writing – Every Day Simple

Acceptance

February 5, 2011 No Comments

Admitting you have a problem is the first step to recovery, right? Isn’t that what we’re told? Twelve-step programs have become mainstream, offering a wealth of information for anyone struggling with any kind of addiction. Tried and true advice. It can work.

What about admitting you have a gift being the first step to the rest of your life?

I’m reading Twyla Tharp’s The Creative Habit right now. Synchronous, really, how I got it. My husband and I went to our local bookstore to conclude our child-free days over the winter break. One of the people I am glad to call a friendly acquaintance happened to be working there. We got to talking. Those of you who know me well know it doesn’t take long to get to reality, to what’s truly important when in sincere conversation with me. We shared a bit of our lives with each other. It was lovely.

I confessed to her that I am a writer. I confessed that I really hadn’t read all that many books. I confessed that my husband and I wanted to support our local bookstore more. We spoke each other’s language. I wasn’t burned at the stake. In fact, as I browsed the shelves, she approached me again and put a book in my hands. “You have to read this,” she said. The owner of the store, working at a table behind me, assured me that is was a highly recommended book; the dance troupe last in town bought 14 copies. This was Tharp’s book.

Within the past couple of months, I have come to the realization that if I am most honest with myself, I am happiest when writing. At home, in the woods, at the park, in the doctor’s office — anywhere I can put pen to paper (or finers to keys) and be alone with my thoughts. But I have more to learn. I have discipline to cultivate. I have unhealthy habits to overcome.

The Creative Habit comes along, and right off the bat she’s talking about the importance of routine. She can’t make me get up at 5:30, but she states quite clearly that her morning starts out at 5:30AM. She does it. Others do it, and artists have for centuries. They are extremely productive.

Almost in passing, she refers to a moment in time when she thought she could have been a painter; she has a talent for the visual arts. She let the thought go as quickly as it came. She’s a dancer. She goes on to say that it’s almost better to have one clearly defined talent in your life. It’s harder for those who can do many things well. The discernment of your best gift is only harder the more choices you have.

Did she know I was going through this right now? That for some time I’ve been wondering if the crafts I’ve been making were actually good for my creative process or an accomplice to my nasty habit of procrastination?

I am in process of organizing my craft supplies. Some I need, some I don’t. Scraps of fabric are going to my sister-in-law who makes clothes for children. I’m keeping the bulks of fabric for skirts for myself and for the girls. Good skirts are hard to come by and expensive should you actually find them. Necessity and creativity are good companions. Now I need to organize my stamps. Which ones do I need and use? Which stationary do I need to keep. What will nurture my writing, encourage me to write? It needs to be an accessory to my writing, an embellishment.

Inasmuch as I enjoy doing other things, I have to accept the fact that I’m a writer foremost. This is the greatest part of my priesthood in this life. I believe that through my writing, I have the potential to reach others and convey to them some of the Truths in this life.

The page is my blank canvas. The Love of God is my muse. With every word I bare my soul and make myself vulnerable, but I have nothing to lose. As sure as the cold brings the beauty of snow and the grips of death, I trust that this experience of life is meant to be shared. For some, it’s meant to be shared through dance, sculpture, painting, music, or any of the arts, but for me, I accept the fact that I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to put into words that which is completely inexplainable. I’ll enjoy every moment of the painful growth as I stretch my imagination and probe the depths of experience.

Whether a gift or a curse, I accept it with a smile. May I remember this at 5:30 in the morning.

Life Lessons

Why Am I NOT Writing?

September 27, 2010 No Comments

A tree doesn’t try to be a lightpost. Moonflowers don’t blossom during the day. When my thoughts continuously, incessantly form themselves into at least somewhat coherent sentences or intriguing essays, why am I not writing them onto a page or screen?

If I believe so much in one’s authentic being, if I know without doubt part of what I am called to do in this life, then why am I not doing it?

It’s hard.

It’s easier to maintain a facade of what’s expected. It’s easier to flow with the crowd through the mainstream canal, anonymous, seemingly indifferent, unaffected, doing nothing to roughen the waters.

Or is it?

The cacophonous buzz of the masses contrasts greatly with the passionate hum of conversation found amidst a group of people sharing in lives of authenticity. Is the disquiet of the soul, the unrest of a tortured spirit worth the weight of carrying around a mask, an appearance of being something or someone we’re not? I’ve always known there is greater beauty in a natural brooke meandering through the woods than in a concrete, polluted city canal.

If all I have to be is myself, then may I have the courage of Lady Godiva to go boldly through the village, my life, claiming nothing but what is mine.

There are no good excuses; there are only excuses. An excuse is merely apologizing for not doing something, being ashamed of what is or justifying the absence of it. I owe it to myself to be fully honest. I make my own choices, whatever the circumstances. I am certainly not sorry for who I am.

I celebrate my gifts and give thanks, whether they be talents God-given or skills I have to work hard at. I hope you can know enough about yourself to do the same. May every day bring us the courage to write, to do what we’re given to do, participating in the creativity of Life.

And I figure if I can get up at 5:30 AM to do this, then that’s a good place to begin again. I hope this is the beginning of a trend.

Life Lessons, Parenting, Relationships, Self-preservation, Spirituality

Reality Check

November 7, 2008 No Comments

Finally, I see where all the fall colors come from. So often each tree changes to its one color, then the leaves drop and become the brown, crunchy mass. This past week, I’ve seen trees in all shades, from blazing orange to fiery red to brilliant gold. Yesterday I even saw one of the most beautiful fall maples with shades from green to yellow and red to orange. If I hadn’t been driving, I think I would have stopped to bask in its brilliance.

There’s no doubt we’re in the midst of fall now; the leaves are quickly dropping, the nights are cold, the holiday goods are out in all the stores, and the lights being put all around the square. Now I figure is a good time to be honest with myself and take a good look at where I am, who I am, what I’m doing and where I’m going. I should have done this on my birthday, but I was too busy doing. I’m getting signs that now would be a good time. (I share this with you not to boast or brag or complain out loud but rather to encourage you to take time to do the same for yourself at some point.)

I ground myself in my writing. To write, I must be still so as to receive the truth that is being channeled through me. I have to be careful about my influences, for everything in my environment affects how I interpret any given moment. When writing, I feel my closest connection to the Divine and feel that this is my right livelihood. Going forward, I make a conscious effort to write more daily, be a productive writer and establish myself as such.

I craft to disperse the creative energy in a physical, practical way. Perhaps if I channeled all my creative energy into writing, I wouldn’t need to write more, but I enjoy greatly using my goods, giving handmade gifts and teaching the children how to make thin Now I will increase my skills with what I have and make what I need or need to give. I would like to make a few things well to sell in an Etsy shop. That would be nice.

My relationships with others I feel has always been golden. I do my best to be authentic with them, to listen well and to be participatory. With my children and husband, I have to make a conscious effort to love myself well so that I may love them wholly. We are currently seeking a family counselor so as to address our needs, for raising kids is harder than we ever imagined it could be. We need some help, and asking for help is completely okay. It’s better to ask for help than to sink into despair, withdrawing from yourself and others. May we be always honest, loving and respectful of ourselves and each other.

In the daily round, I am pleased with where my expectations are. I’ve come a long way in understanding what I can and cannot do, steering myself away from the buckets of shoulds. That’s not to say I don’t occasionally regress. In a given day, like all mothers, I combine all my different roles. I am at once a writer, wife, mother, spiritual seeker and birth advocate and educator/doula. I’m sure that’s probably not even all aspects of my being, but they affect most of what I do, day in and day out.

As with the leaves, I am constantly changing. Where I am today differs from yesterday and tomorrow, but if I can hear what I need from and for my soul, then I can visualize it and try my best to make it manifest. To do so, I need some quiet, some time for me. Thanks, Casey, for giving me that time yesterday when I needed it so badly. Thanks, Kaye, for listening.