kids – Every Day Simple

Bedside Manner

March 22, 2011 No Comments

At the day’s end, when I’m most exhausted, our youngest still makes sure that I come to tuck her into bed. As parents, this is something my husband and I have always been pretty good about. No matter how the day has gone, we make sure the last thing the kids hear before they slip into slumber is some variation of “Good-night-sweet-dreams-I-love-you.”

The act of getting on my knees beside her trundle bed reminds me that it’s time to be here, now; it pulls me into the present. Perhaps knowing that she’s about to be my sole focus, that she’s about to have my utmost attention, is what brings her to bed so giddily. She is usually very excited and giggily, or, if truly tired, she snuggles into her pillows and covers with deliberate intention, placing her hands together methodically and tucking them beneath her sweet, plump cheek before closing her eyes.

Sometimes she beats me to it.

“I love you, Mommy.”

Are there sweeter words? They’re like balm to my maternal soul that has been battered and wounded. All is well.

“I love you, too, Precious,” I reply, knowing that attachment is a dangerous thing, but the Lord of the Rings reference has become a running joke around here. She is, after all, very “precious to me,” precious to us.

Sometimes I linger a while, resting my head beside hers. Eyes closed, I listen for her breath to slow, to deepen. With older sister in the bed slightly above, I’ll send my love to her again, too — out oud if she’s awake, intentionally if she’s not. I settle into this supplication of devotion. It’s not a comfortable position, mind you. Circulation gets cut off at one limb or another, but I stay.

My hope is, of course, that the children will remember we tried to send them to bed with our love, even on nights when we kept them out or up too late and when they had long since fallen asleep. When they’re too big to carry, we sleep-walk them, guiding them in the right direction. (“Honey, your bed’s this way.”) Sometimes they need literally to be steered.

Every child wants his/her parent’s or guardian’s attention. We all want an outward and visible sign of the love that is either said too much or not enough. I suppose the nightly ritual we have going is like our parental sacrament. If the kids could experience this paternal love and affection as an outward and visible sign of an inward, invisible grace of God, then it would be, indeed — at least for us. I’m okay with that. It replaces the worldly attachment with a greater Love, one eternal and truly unconditional. It’s not my aspiration to make every evening sacred. It just is when it is (which is probably always), and some nights I’m more aware of it than others (and not nearly as often as I’d like).

Maybe I should start my days on my knees or on my meditation cushion, giving thanks for all that is and for the potential that is yet to be.

+ + +

This meditation led me to my Lenten practice of extending my maternal blessing to my children, morning and evening. I don’t always get to touch their foreheads, but even saying “bless you” or “blessings to you” somehow carries with it more deliberate Love than our vernacular “love you!” I’m working on it. As I said, it’s a practice.

Parenting

Game of Life

June 24, 2010 No Comments

This life is most definitely not a game. However, I am slightly amused when listening to the kids playing the familiar game with the three-dimensional gameboard (that I’ve always loved).

“Alexander didn’t have any kids!”

“I’m an artist!”

“I make $160,000!”

The game is fun, introduces mortgages, taxes, insurance, etc. There are elements of life in the game. But not everything.

Where are the homeless? Where’s the “gotta-have-two-jobs” card? Where’s the NSF spot and can’t-spend-a-dime-till-payday spot? Where’s the family barbecue and the birthday parties? Where’s the comfort, sorrow, and extreme joy? Where’s church services and dinner parties? Where’s all the stuff that makes life LIFE?

That’s why it’s only a game. Our lives, in contrast, are not determined with a clicking spin of the wheel. We make choices, meet consequences, revel in surprises and learn at every bend in the road. Fortunately, we’re not stuck in a plastic car (at least not all the time!), and there are oh-so-many paths to choose from and to discover.

Even when it seems like the chips are down, there is entirely too much in this life to radiate light and joy. There is too much to love. This is good to remember this summer vacation, and if I let the kids push me to the edge, maybe I’ll get the game out to remind me that my life is so much better than I think it is.

For real.

* I was looking for a stock photo of the board game to insert in this post since it’s been a while since any photos. I found one — a perfect one. It’s too perfect for me even to borrow. I want you to take the time to go look at it. Context clues tell me that it’s a child who just received a gift from an Angel Tree program or a similar goodwill charity (just saw that the title says it IS Angel Tree, at an Episcopal church neighboring our diocese). But to me, the eyes of the child and the happy-go-lucky box contrast vividly. The depth of my reality just increased; the compassion in my heart expanded further than I anticipated this morning. My thanks to this child. May gratitude fill my day, my life, and may all blessings be his.

Life Lessons

“My Fav’rite”

April 13, 2010 No Comments

Right now, our youngest describes things according to her preference. For example, she says, “Chickies my fav’rite,” and “Worms not my fav’rite.” (“Fav’rite,” of course, is her way of saying favorite; she just drops the “o” sound. I wish I had a sound clip because it is absolutely adorable and otherwise completely enunciated.)

In her toddler world right now, she is the sun, and everything else revolves around her. If you’re not her fav’rite, then you might as well be on the dark side of the moon. She has a look for you if she thinks that way, and those of you who know her know what I’m talking about. 🙂

In my world right now, I have many favorites shining forth. Quality time with family and friends, sunshine, gardening. I don’t get to spend nearly enough time in these arenas, but I love them dearly. I also love the results of spring cleaning and even the time spent doing so, if I can tap into the right frame of mind. The skies before a storm. Watching the chickens find what I cannot see in the dirt. Listening to others speak their Wisdom. Feeling that which cannot be seen in another’s suffering. Watching the miracle of birth unfold in more ways than one. Learning. Growing. Loving.

What may seem like the dark side of the moon in my world is really just like night time or lying fallow in the earth. The love I feel for everything these days, the compassion I find in oh-so-many places and faces — expected and unexpected, the suffering I know about or stumble upon, all this combines and swirls in the One. Truly this is a Mystery, but I trust it. I trust that all things rise and fall in my awareness. What needs to be done will be done. What needs to be known will be known. I hope that I’m where I need to be when I need to be there.

Maybe my busy life is more simple than I realize. With the right frame of mind and a solid, grounded presence, there’s an altered time, if even time at all. We can experience life moment by moment, and that is definitely one of my fav’rites.

(photos of some fav’rite moments: Ashton reading, Alexander making artful eggs, Avery & Dino (his chicken), and Autumn making cookies)

Life Lessons, Parenting

Cutting Attachments

March 15, 2010 No Comments

Letting go of things I’m attached to is becoming a life lesson I’m getting used to, but that doesn’t mean I don’t feel something when letting go. Imagine an invisible umbilical cord to all the things you love and want to hang on to. Favorite necklaces, earrings, dishes, relatives . . . at any point something can happen to sever an attached relationship. Snip, and it’s gone.

Snip. Snip. Snip.

I suppose I was getting attached to my daughter’s long hair. My son had long hair, but I wasn’t as attached to it. I thought I was, but it was easy to let go and cut it when he was ready two weeks ago. I wasn’t prepared to look around the corner and find my daughter standing amidst her locks, her friend holding the kid-scissors, smilingly proudly. “Now Autumn has short hair, too!” she exclaimed.

I couldn’t help but laugh. Indeed she did. In that moment I could laugh or cry. I could be angry or deal with it. I opted for laughter and sent the girls to the bath. I wasn’t planning on being stylist this night of pizza-making, but it had to be done. Now Autumn’s hair is short, in a little bit of a choppy style, not incredibly unlike her older sister’s. I’m not a trained stylist, after all. While at it, I also trimmed the little friend’s hair.

It’s only hair. They’re just kids. It’s only life. Why not experience every moment and choose life and love? The practice keeps coming, the lessons growing stronger.

Life is sweet, and little girls with short hair can be so darn cute!

p.s. Uta, Autumn reminds us of Sonja! 🙂

Parenting

Vegetarians Among Us

March 11, 2010 No Comments

Among the many choices we have in this life, we get to choose what we eat. We have options. I’m sure animals in the wild have options, too. They show preferences toward certain plants; some edibles are probably tastier than others. They could eat the poisonous ones, but survival instincts tell them to steer clear. Undoubtedly the human race would be better off if our survival instincts were so strong that we would opt not to put poison into our bodies. I digress . . .

Our two older children have decided to become vegetarian, and so has one of their friends. Lately, out of necessity, most of our meals have been vegetarian anyway, but now it’s becoming part of the meal planning. Actually, we need to do more meal planning, incorporating intentional vegetarianism into the diet, making sure the nutritional value is there.

Being responsible parents, we did ask for their motives. It may seem hard to believe, but “going vegetarian” can still be a fad. We wanted to make sure their intentions were clear, good, and stable. While we cannot be 100% sure, their dedication in the past week or two has shown stamina and dedication. We even asked if they would prefer we only purchased local meat, where we could go see how the animals were treated. The kids have said they’re not opposed to eating occasional fish, but otherwise, no meat. I’ll have to learn how to cook fish (and stand the smell of it — ugh). We move forward.

Fortunately, there are many resources to be had, both online and in print. We also have friends who have wonderful recipes and are willing to share their experiential knowledge. And my experience shows me that if you raise conscientious, free-thinking children, you have to be willing to work a little harder, go the extra mile, and support them in their endeavors and choices. Nurture them; that’s another choice we have.

home

Our Next Venture

March 3, 2010 2 Comments

baby_chicks_1 Chickies! (As Autumn so gleefully calls them.)

Yes, thanks to a city ordinance, we are allowed to have four hens. Our hope, of course, is to have eggs sometime after fall and ever after. But, we are learning very quickly that one doesn’t just get chickens and have eggs. You get chicks, have to raise them, checking them ever so often to make sure they’re not getting sick or dying, and make sure their living environment isn’t disgusting and that the cat and dog don’t get in. We’ll have to build a coop outside soon.

Oh, wait? You didn’t know they have to be kept above 80 degrees F? Well, they do. So right now our bathroom feels like a sauna (which has its advantages, if you can get past the scent of chickens). We have six chicks in our whirlpool tub, and my husband has his giggles about that, for sure. When they are big enough and when it’s consistently warm enough, we’ll be moving them outside. Fortunately, Spring Break is right around the corner, so we’ll take this on as a family project.

The first dramatic thing that happened was that one of the chicks had “pasting.” Before we knew it was dangerous, we just fondly called the chick Dingleberry. Fortunately, after what I’m sure was traumatic cleaning for the chick, the name is the only thing that stuck. 🙂 Autumn has interpreted the name and Jingleberry recently. Of course, now we don’t know which chick it was since it recovered well and is healthy and thriving like the other three that look the same. We may just have to come up with two more -berry names!

dino_et_al_1

The next thing wasn’t so much drama as it was wanting to improve their quality of life. I added a perch to their set-up. Give them a little diversity, you know? They loved it immediately. I do have to check in on them sometimes to make sure they’re not playing king of the mountain. As they grow, the space available is shrinking. They are growing rapidly. In a day it seems like their new feathers get longer. These photos are from last week. It really is amazing, and I have to watch myself, making sure I don’t spend too much time checking in on them. Lucky for me I have at least two kids who are content to watch them for as long as I’ll let them.

chicks_water_perch_1

chix_on_perch_1

Aside from getting all in order to build a coop, our next concern is that they’re about to fly out of the tub. One has already figured out how to get on top of the waterer (just the water, not the food yet). Avery said one got out of the tub last night, but I’m hesitant to believe it fully until I see it happen without a child around. It is possible, though.

Our over-arching concern is that they won’t all be hens. Roosters aren’t allowed in the city. Red and Dino are the only two with distinct markings to be able to tell them apart enough to name. May they all be hens. We have friends who would be happy to have a couple of hens, too.

If you’re interested in raising some chicks, my dearest found BackyardChickens.com. Great information there (how we saved Dingleberry’s life!), and good luck to you. If you’re not interested, you’re welcome to live vicariously through our venture.

Parenting

Oh, the Audacity!

February 1, 2010 No Comments

A friend of ours has neighbors who just opened a skating rink here in town, and would we like to join him for a skating and pizza party? It’s one of those things that didn’t fit in our schedule, but I made it work. Yes, we would love to.

While husband took the older kids to piano, I took the younger two to Starlight Skatorium. After visiting with our dear friend, I spent what seemed like 20 minutes getting skates on the two restless ones and then crammed my feet into skates, too.

Oh. My. Goodness.

My six-year-old took off onto the rink, straight out into the flow of traffic, and then turned to move against the flow! It was painful to watch, and I gave thanks that the place wasn’t busy, being a Wednesday night. I couldn’t yell at him over the loud music — not that he would have listened to me anyway. He crawled part of the way to the middle of the rink. I just had to wish him luck as I turned my attention to my three-year-old whom I was holding up on skates. We made it a sixth of the way around the rink (basically to the next exit opportunity) before she was done. I have to admit I was grateful because I wasn’t sure my core and arms could have made it all the way, either! While taking off her skates, my 6yo reappeared and informed me he was done, too.

Are you sure?

Yes!

Skates off, it was time for Sprite and pizza, a double treat. I had yet to make it around the rink myself. Would I even be able to do it, or would I end up busting my butt? The older kids arrived after lessons, ready to don their skates. Of course now the younger two were ready again. Another 20 minute venture. Fortunately, I had just kept my skates on.

I suppose I fully embraced the craziness of it all. Now I had four kids on skates. I let them drink soda and have carry-out pizza for dinner. Hubby had another appointment, so I was skating solo. Could I have done this even with one child eight years ago? Probably not.

I realize that to some, I probably seemed like the 6yo jumping out into the middle of the rink, full of adventure, a devil-may-care attitude . . . sheer audacity. With the two older kids warming up to making it all the way around the rink and the other two using the skate-helpers to roll down an entrance ramp, I finally got to make a couple of rounds myself, totally recalling memories of my younger days. Skating to loud music, disco lights, hokey-pokey, and 50s dress-up contests. Good times (even though one time cost me a front tooth!). Sometimes we just have to let go and enjoy the moment for what it is, trusting that all is well.

I hope our audacity continues to enrich our lives.

Parenting, Uncategorized

He Said It

January 14, 2010 No Comments

I was trying to sit and help my eldest study for the upcoming spelling bee. Everything has felt like an effort these past couple of days, and add to that the fact that it’s after eight and in the bedtime hour. My second oldest tells us he still has homework to do, and his chores still aren’t done. Everyone seems to be a whir of activity.

The child who is supposed to be washing his lunch dishes comes running through the living room to the piano, but the water is still running in the kitchen sink.

“What are you doing?!” I practically yell at him. Maybe he’s just letting the water get hot, I try to rationalize to myself.

“I’m doing two things at once because you are all telling me to do everything,” he replies, exasperated at best, still moving, straightening up his piano things.

Alas, I feel I’ve not done a good job this day. My nine-year-old feels the need to multi-task. God bless him, the boy is as slow as Christmas and has a hard time focusing on doing one task, let alone three or more. Often, I have to write a list out just so he knows what he needs to do, and even that can mean a day-long commitment.

Why do we have so much to do? I wonder. So much laundry. So many dishes. So much house to clean (and we’re not in an extremely large house by any means for a family of 6). So much work to be done.

I remind myself that these are the ropes. Sometimes you swing high. Sometimes you swing low. It helps keep things in perspective because as soon as I think this, I remember how grateful I am that we have all we do. We are richly blessed.

We have to be careful, though, of how much of our time we spend in the absent-minded state of doing, doing, doing. Am I showing my kids how I do motherhood, or am I showing them how to be a mother? Am I teaching them that the only way they will get anything accomplished is if they run themselves into the ground 24/7, or am I showing them that it really is about one’s quality of being that is of utmost importance.

At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter what I’ve said if I haven’t lived it. I would have rather heard my son tell me he’s done his best this day to do what he can. I would rather have seen a sleepy, contented smile on his face than the tired, sad eyes that were giving up on his homework.

When the tooth fairy visits tonight, I hope she brings another friend with a magic wand to wave over us all renewal, confidence and peace. We’ll start again fresh in the morning light.

Parenting, Spirituality

Advent Calendar!

November 30, 2009 1 Comment

Many thanks to my German friend for introducing my family to the advent calendar even before we fully embraced the tradition. This year, however, I came up with something each day for the children to do before they get their daily treat. Sundays are busy for us, so I decided to make use of the Christmas cookie sheet molds I received as a gift and make tasty sugar cookies as a treat for all.

Advent is a season of waiting, of preparation. I also think it’s a time of excitement, merriment to be spent with family and friends, not without consideration of those in need. Of course, I encourage you to make your own list, but to jump-start your brainstorm, here’s our list, some names removed.

May your December start with a heaping of kindness.