To make this coming year’s lists, I have to know where I’m going, what my priorities are and what I’ll be doing.  For me, I work in categories.

• Home

Cleaning : Chore lists are going to be key this year.  The kids do better when they know what they’re supposed to do and don’t feel like we’re just making up things for them to do.  I’m going to listen to FlyLady.  She’s got a good thing going, and if I want to keep things decluttered around here, I’ll have to take it seriously.  Of course, one of my favorite magazines has wonderful, printable resources — visit Real Simple for some real inspiration (there are categories and lists for everything, so make sure your ink cartridge is full!).

Outside :  I want a productive garden this year.  I’m going to outline my tasks and actually try to get them done this year.  I’ll be looking to our local extension office for guidance.  Yours is a valuable resource, too.  I’d also like to check out this book on “Edible Estates” and implement some designs therein!

• Family

Kids :  It’s mainly their activities I need to keep track of to plan my chauffeur schedule.  Also needed are necessary home practice times.  We’re also working with Earth Scouts.  Even if it’s just our family, we want to make this a part of our kids’ awareness, so we’ll have at least monthly activities.  Asking the older kids what their priorities are makes sure that we’re all on the same page and will reduce friction later.

Parents : We’re busy, too. Aikido, BirthNetwork, church, etc., all take time.  We need to make sure we coordinate our times or have a sitter available.  Calendar sync, anyone?

• Food

Menu, menu, menu : Preparation, communication and dedication.  No junk food this year.  I have an extra 40 pounds that tells me I can and must just say “no.”    I’ll defer this back to a previous post.  Ideas are always welcome, and I found another site (SavingDinner) I’ll have to explore.  There are always wonderful cookbooks, too, and the bookstores usually have a plethora on the bargain book tables.

• Work (for me, this is mostly birth-related and/or volunteer-based)

Discernment :  This year is the year I decide what I’m doing with my life.  This is almost as important as what I’m being.  Both are crucial, will take time and insight.  I have clues; it’s the putting it all together part and implementation that are the kicker.  I also have to decide if I’m doing too much, not allowing myself enough time to be.  I hope I’m not the only one with this issue!  Keeping a list of all I’m involved with and committed to truly helps me be fully aware and not fall too far behind.

• Self-nurturing

Exercise. Creativity. Retreats. Dates. Self-discipline.  While this category is self-explanatory, it is also the one that most often falls to the wayside.  This is the one where we need absolutely everyone around us to cheer us on, help keep us motivated.  This is probably where our daily schedule comes in more handy than a list.  We deserve at least an hour a day, right?

May we all be inspired to be organized and motivated.  May we go forth and continue doing all the good work we do.

Weeks leading to the season of Mystery.  Joyful days of Christmas, living into the heart of the mystery itself.  The Church’s New Year begun.  Days left on the calendar year.

Where to go from here?

Quite obviously, I took time away from the blog-front to finish up the last-minute gifts.  Now I have to deal with the consequences of house neglect and the incoming gift explosion.  But more than that is the continual contemplation of my life as it is.  My husband says this next year is “the” year.  It’s his 30th.  I think I thought the same for my 30th, too, but that has come and gone.  I’m hesitant to say life is what it is with a sort of resigned sigh, but that’s what comes to mind.

Unfortunately for me, I have a hormonal challenge to overcome this week of weeks to bring back the optimist in me.  I hope to make the right lists, the right resolutions and the right choices.  I’m barking at the kids to make the right choices.  They know what is right and wrong (i.e. be kind, put things back,etc.).  I know what is right and wrong, too, supposedly.  Often, though, I don’t make the right choices, either.

So, here’s to getting the funk out of the system, to making the right choices and to living lovingly and simply.  Our T days this week will include lists, lists that I hope will help me in the coming year.  If they help you, consider it a late gift. 

Actually, the title should say “Much Needed Mommy Me Time.” 

Once we become mothers, our identity as an individual woman is lost.  Birth is greater than bringing a new life to the world, as huge as that is.  Birth also ushers in our motherhood, full force.  We agree to be responsible for growing a body and nurturing a soul and may consent to continue to nurture said being for the rest of our living days.  So here I am, in the thick of “nurturing” and realizing that I need to take care of myself so I can better care for those who depend upon me (a recurring theme, I know).

Part of my care includes recognizing myself as a woman.  My needs are not only the needs of the family.  To keep my life in perspective, I have to carefully evaluate what I need to feel like I’m fully living my purpose.  Not everyone feels this way, and it’s important to know what your personal needs are.

A friend of mine and I are doing a baby-sitting swap.  For frugal mothers (whether of desire or necessity) who seek their alone time, this is solid gold.  It’s giving and receiving.  Today I got to go to the library and browse in the upstairs section.  It doesn’t matter that we were at the library yesterday.  I can’t remember when last I checked a book out for myself.  After the library, I went to a local bookstore.  It was time to buy an ’09 calendar, and they had some beautiful ones.  Not every time for me includes an expense, but it is a reward to myself for all the work I put into this family-rearing that justifies my purchases when I make them.  (Hope you agree, dear.) 

Now this evening we enjoy our church’s meal before the service (trans: “I don’t have to cook”).  After the short, kid-friendly/chaotic service, I facilitate a women’s spirituality circle.  The church provides a nursery.

I know it doesn’t always take a village to raise a child, but I’m a firm believer that it helps greatly.  If nothing else, it makes for better mothers.

Finally, I see where all the fall colors come from.  So often each tree changes to its one color, then the leaves drop and become the brown, crunchy mass.  This past week, I’ve seen trees in all shades, from blazing orange to fiery red to brilliant gold.  Yesterday I even saw one of the most beautiful fall maples with shades from green to yellow and red to orange.  If I hadn’t been driving, I think I would have stopped to bask in its brilliance.

There’s no doubt we’re in the midst of fall now; the leaves are quickly dropping, the nights are cold, the holiday goods are out in all the stores, and the lights being put all around the square.  Now I figure is a good time to be honest with myself and take a good look at where I am, who I am, what I’m doing and where I’m going.  I should have done this on my birthday, but I was too busy doing.  I’m getting signs that now would be a good time.  (I share this with you not to boast or brag or complain out loud but rather to encourage you to take time to do the same for yourself at some point.)

I ground myself in my writing.  To write, I must be still so as to receive the truth that is being channeled through me.  I have to be careful about my influences, for everything in my environment affects how I interpret any given moment.  When writing, I feel my closest connection to the Divine and feel that this is my right livelihood.  Going forward, I make a conscious effort to write more daily, be a productive writer and establish myself as such.

I craft to disperse the creative energy in a physical, practical way.  Perhaps if I channeled all my creative energy into writing, I wouldn’t need to write more, but I enjoy greatly using my goods, giving handmade gifts and teaching the children how to make thin  Now I will increase my skills with what I have and make what I need or need to give.  I would like to make a few things well to sell in an Etsy shop.  That would be nice.

My relationships with others I feel has always been golden.  I do my best to be authentic with them, to listen well and to be participatory.  With my children and husband, I have to make a conscious effort to love myself well so that I may love them wholly.  We are currently seeking a family counselor so as to address our needs, for raising kids is harder than we ever imagined it could be.  We need some help, and asking for help is completely okay.  It’s better to ask for help than to sink into despair, withdrawing from yourself and others.  May we be always honest, loving and respectful of ourselves and each other.

In the daily round, I am pleased with where my expectations are.  I’ve come a long way in understanding what I can and cannot do, steering myself away from the buckets of shoulds.  That’s not to say I don’t occasionally regress.  In a given day, like all mothers, I combine all my different roles.  I am at once a writer, wife, mother, spiritual seeker and birth advocate and educator/doula.  I’m sure that’s probably not even all aspects of my being, but they affect most of what I do, day in and day out.

As with the leaves, I am constantly changing.  Where I am today differs from yesterday and tomorrow, but if I can hear what I need from and for my soul, then I can visualize it and try my best to make it manifest.  To do so, I need some quiet, some time for me.  Thanks, Casey, for giving me that time yesterday when I needed it so badly.  Thanks, Kaye, for listening.

Driving through town, I look at every house that’s for sale, no matter what neighborhood or price range.  Could I see myself living there?  Would it be better than where we are now?  And anything I see and think is beautiful, I ask myself if I could make it.  Chances are that I could, if only I had the right tools.

Feeling the rhythmic tug of “gotta do something different,” I am forcing myself to face these behaviors within.  Why do I do this?  Is it healthy or beneficial, or am I just continuing a pattern of looking for happiness outside of myself?

As for the perpetual house-hunting, I figure part of that is that we don’t see the house we’re living in as our house we want our grandchildren to know.  In five years, we hope to be building our eco-home, the home we’ll grow old in.  Beyond that, however, I think it has to do with being comfortable with where I am in life.  I’m not exactly where I think I should be, as ridiculous as that sounds, for where else is there to be but where you are?

I’m sure my friends will attest to the fact that I have some great supplies for sewing, pottery, card-making and gardening.  I love all these things, but rarely make time for them (except for the occasional bursts of creativity which are shared here).  If I need a tool or supply, I want to get as high quality as I can because it makes the task easier, right?  Better?  There is no substitute for time, effort and inspiration — the best tools out there.

So as I continue my inner work, taking classes like my Servant Leadership and working more in my journal, I hope to further deepen my awareness and move further into living into my true Self, being comfortable with where and who I truly am and with what I can best do.

After all, isn’t that what we’re all trying to do?  I believe that would help me keep every day truly simple.  We all need blessings on this journey!

For women, this topic is HUGE.  Boundaries?  What is this of which you speak?

As women, I feel there’s a general expectation that we are to be loving and compassionate to all, and little thought is given toward our personal, individual well-being.  Champions are the women who sacrifice everything for the sake of others.  Selfish snobs are those who have a defined sense of their personal space and time.  Shame on us for letting such boxes be drawn.

For all that we do, may we do it with love, but may we first make sure there is love for ourselves.  My work with Time for JOY has taught me that our offerings to others are more enriched if they come from someone who has nourished her own spirit.  (After all, JOY stands for Jesus, Others, and Yourself.)

I just spoke with a friend moments ago who canceled an early-morning obligation because stress was rising too high.  I had to commend her boundary-setting.  I know how hard it is to say no.  I don’t do it often enough; just ask my husband.

One of my fears of boundaries is that I will limit my ability to receive a true gift or <gasp> will let someone down.  Other times I’m afraid that if I don’t do something for cause x, no one will.

Fortunately, I’m working through those apprehensions.  I know that Spirit is stronger and smarter than me . . . and much more patient and persistent.

We do well to make sure that we are in a good place in every step.  First, be healthy, strong and wise, and then give and grow.  The cycle is something like that, right?

Have a wonderful weekend, and don’t forget to
 
For more information about BOLD events in Northwest Arkansas, visit BirthNetworkNWA‘s site.

Can your friends and family see you coming from far away just by what you’re wearing?  As soon as you start talking on the phone, does the person on the other end of the line know it’s you?  Do people feel comfortable in your home, if for no other reason than because you are comfortable there?

You can take style surveys all day, but when it comes down to it, only you know what speaks to your soul.  You know what makes you comfortable, what makes you feel like a queen, and only you know what makes you feel like . . . well, what makes you feel really badly.  So, why waste your time?  Rather, let’s take some time to find what echoes the sentiments that is the music of our being.

How?  Here’s an example.  Go through your closet.  Are you really going to lose weight?  Would you even wear that if you did?  When’s the last time you wore it?  If you didn’t wear it last season, you’re not going to wear it this one.  Does it make you feel loved and beautiful?  GIVE IT AWAY!!!  You have to give to receive, and the more you do it, the easier it is.  Now, when blessings and opportunities come your way, fill your closet only with what you truly need and only with items (from undergarments to clothes to shoes) that make your heart sing.  Now, when you wake up in the morning, you’ll have lots to choose from, and you’ll be dressed in a style that suits you . . . if you’re honest with yourself.  No one but you knows if you’re being truly honest, but everyone will know if you’re comfortable and confident.

When I was in high school, I bought Levi’s at a thrift store and packages of white pocket T-shirts.  Jeans and T-shirts and Birkenstocks.  That was my favorite outfit.  Four kids later, I still love jeans and a white T, but jeans right now fit a little too snug at the waist.  I feel more beautiful in a flowing skirt and pretty shirt, and I have a few other outfits I love.  Comfort for me is key to my style, not fashion.

What about accessories?  For me, I only have a few pairs of earrings, each with their own meaning and an energy they give me for that day.  Every necklace that I’ve had and worn because it meant so much has broken or been broken.  I figured I was too attached, and it was its own lesson.  Everything we wear carries a message with it, offers a window into our being, even if on some days the meaning isn’t very deep (i.e., “these were on sale at the store and match this shirt”).

As for your personal life style, you know your disposition.  Are you optimistic?  Sincere?  A pessimist?  A cynic?  Do you prefer Victorian or contemporary?  Intelligent?  Practical?  A ditz?  (I know, some days vary!)  Do you reflect this in your voice, your expressions?  I don’t have to ask if this plays into your relationships.

I’ve asked a lot of questions, but really there’s only one here.  How well do we know ourselves?  Our true self.  The one that when you come to end of all your days, you know that this is who you are, who you’ve really been in every moment.  May you live fully into that being.  Can we be so honest with ourselves?

She looks like an ordinary woman, except maybe her quick smile and honest eyes.  Before long you notice her children, the whole lot of them.  Now she’s a mother, and from the looks of it, she has her hands full; she has your sympathy.  Then you start to talk to her.  She’s kind and smart.  The more you talk, though, you notice that you start to hear some of her interests but the list keeps going.  Wait a minute.  She’s a mom, right?  She doesn’t have time to be doing all that stuff.  What about being a mom, being there for the kids?

This might be how I describe a selfish mom.  At least, it’s how I might, hypothetically speaking, describe myself if I were to meet her for the first time.  How should I feel about this?  How do you feel when you realize that your commitments in the day take the focus off of the kids?  Maybe this doesn’t happen to you, but you’ve probably met women like this.

Are mothers so stereotyped that we have a guilt complex if we don’t fit the bill?  Isn’t that why working mothers often experience or receive so much grief?

I know mothers who seem like the “perfect” mom.  They have lots of kids, homeschool all of them (though some send them to school), and every moment of their life seems to be for and with their kids or the family as a whole.  I admire that . . . because that’s not something I can do.

First, I was a young woman.  Then I became a wife and mother.  Always, I will be a woman through it all.  I cannot imagine my life when I forget that I have my own being to nurture, too.  The wife and mother that I am suffers when the woman that I am is not loved, supported, growing.  Can you relate to that?

Rather than calling ourselves selfish, why don’t we just say that we’re wonderful women, and as such, we make better mothers.  Maybe then the “perfect” moms can pause and take a breath for themselves.  Or maybe they are so perfect because they already know how to do so in each breath, and I just didn’t notice, being too busy judging and all.

Let’s sit back and enjoy the day, our kids, all the shtuff we do for everything and everybody.  While you’re at it, mark a day in your calendar for a date with yourself.  Do something nice for you.  I plan to go to a writing workshop on Sunday, that will make my second one.  Indulgent?  Perhaps.  Necessary?  Absolutely.

I confess.  I spent most of the day in my pajamas, reading a book.  I managed a shower before my hubby came home, but barely.  I left the kids to their own devices, though I remained in the living room where I could see and hear all.  We ate our meals; thank God for cereal and leftovers!  Why am I sharing this on a craf-T day?

I spent all day Tuesday and Wednesday fully committed.  Not that I don’t love that.  I love doing what I do and doing it well.  It’s just that it consumes my finite amount of energy, which in turn drains my creative energy or allows it to get stagnant.  I have huge fever blisters telling me I’m not treating myself well.  Thus, a day off to recharge.  Plus, we got the next Alvin Maker book.  I started it a couple of days ago, reading the first four chapters or so, but you bet I finished it today.  Now I’m waist deep in the story and have to keep reading so as to know that the series ends well.  I also had to finish it today so that I could limit my day of near-neglect of children to only a single day.

Am I recharged?  I have to think so because there is much creative energy ready to burst at the seams.  Do I have time to do it all?  Maybe instead of reading I should have been writing or sewing.  But a good foray into a fantasy is nearly as good as any movie, and I haven’t been watching much t.v. lately.

I’ll just chalk today up as a day I babied myself, nursed myself, gave myself permission to do nothing strenuous.  As a mother of four, that takes a lot of creativity.  Now to look forward to Monday’s massage.

I received an e-mail from a friend, forwarding me to a website.  I have to admit, I’m intrigued by the name “Girl Effect,” but the video speaks volumes into one aspect of good we can do in our world.  I had to share.  If you don’t think you can do anything, try contacting the Heifer Project, at least.  Do a search for loan programs for women in developing countries, also known as micro-credit loans.  I’m sure there’s something we can do.