Yesterday, our sermon at church focused on Paul admitting his weaknesses.  We were reminded that it is most often in our weakest moments that we are gifted with an unforeseeable strength, a great wisdom beyond our own being.

Mass media doesn’t follow this line of thinking.  If people are weak, it’s usually because they’re ignorant or strung out or because they’re in a third-world country and need our financial support.  Either way, it’s in our “best” interest if we keep doing what we’re doing to get better, faster, more and then give a little bit of what we’ve gained, if we choose to.

There’s no doubt in my mind that there are some serious changes that need to happen in our way of thinking and doing.  How about we change the mind-set to realizing that people who are weak are so because they either prohibit themselves from seeing the potential within or they have been so abused in this life mentally, physically, and/or emotionally, that they cannot see the good inherent within.  Inner-city or rural America to poorest of the poor third-world country, we are human.  We have been gifted with life, free will and potential.

Some of us do have more resources than others, but throwing money at situations hasn’t proven to be most beneficial.  Lynn Twist in The Soul of Money points out that during her time working with The Hunger Project, the best outcomes came when the people in a tribe or community were given an audience, able to share their own ideas on how to fix a problem (as in how to best obtain a water supply) and then given help to obtain the resources to make their vision a reality.  The people had accountability and responsibility in the outcome.  They did not become addicts to handouts, further debilitated by a lack of sense of self-worth.

Blessed are the weak?  Yes.  We are all weak.  We all need to experience and face our weaknesses.  Only when our egos are weakened can we realize that our strength is not ours alone.  When we can surrender to that which is greater than we ever imagined, can we tap into true potential.  When we are truly weak and honest, we can reach out for help, with humility, but hopefully also with a determination to particiapte with and through that strength I like to call Spirit.  In the best of circumstances, there are others who are also participating in the Spirit, and we can experience the work of the collective.

Blessed are the weak?  Yes.  It is the weak who actually have the opportunity to realize how truly strong they are, if only they surrender long enough to see it, to hear it.  And if the weak are to survive, they have to be seen and heard by others who also know Truth.

Sometimes when there’s so much to be said, it’s better to be quiet.  Sometimes if we wear our heart on our sleeves, it’s best to wear a jacket.  I suppose for a while I haven’t been blogging because what’s going on inside is personal, huge and . . . well, a big deal to me.

But what we don’t say can allow space for others to hear something else.  This can be good or bad, and one’s intent makes all the difference.  I hope others take time to hear their inner voice, to listen to what is being offered.  I’ve been trying to do a lot of listening lately.  My friends will probably attest to the fact that I’ve done plenty of talking, too.  Writing, though, helps me get to the heart of the matter most quickly, which is probably why I’ve been avoiding it.

What is best for me?  What am I willing to do . . . for myself, for others?

My listening these days has some to do with what is good for me.  I trust that if it’s good for me, it benefits those around me.  This takes some getting used to and much compromise.  I also have to be very careful about the delicate balance in the dance of relationships.  It’s not just about priorities.  I’ve come to believe that of course we have priorities, but it’s not as simple as that.

As ever, I have my work cut out for me and hopefully lots of time to practice listening, being and doing.

In the women’s spirituality group I help facilitate, we’re doing what I guess you could call a series on spiritual tools for the journey.  These are a few things that, along the way, I have found to be beneficial to me for hearing the inner longings of my soul.

• Journaling  Of course, I am a writer by nature, so this one comes easily to me.  But I don’t take this journaling gig lightly.  I have a dream journal, which is written in first before those slippery
  dreams from the subconscious slip away again.  I always date the dreams
  and try to mark when it’s a full moon (because the dreams are usually
  particularly vivid and significant then for me).  After documenting the dreams, I pull out the Gratitude Journal (idea from Sarah ban Breathnach’s Simple Abundance).  I list at least five things for which I’m grateful, and these range from people to things to ideas to states of being.  Lastly, there’s the “morning pages” (term coined by Julia Cameron in her Artist’s Way books) where I vent/muse/list/write for a while.  The goal is three pages, but sometimes three short paragraphs is all I have time for.  Some days the whole process takes about 15 minutes.  I’ve been known to take two hours.
• Collage  This is another process inspired by Cameron’s Artist’s Way.  My partner in spiritual direction and I use this tool frequently to either find where we are in the present stage in our lives or to help visualize what it is we want or need.  Collages can be done given a prompt, given a time frame or given nothing but freedom of expression.  Most recently, I collaged a manila folder, and it will store items in it particular to this phase of my life.
• Movement  When our mind and spirit are expressed through the movement of our body, when the energy is released, I anticipate great things happening.  This is an area that I hope to explore more in the future.  I hope to learn t’ai chi.  I have another woman leading this session this week, and I can’t wait to see what we do, how it feels.  Honoring my body, caring for it well, is something I have to work on, but if our body is not well, we are not available to others, let alone to ourselves.  Maintaining a balance and allowing the energy to flow freely improves our overall well-being.
• Meditation  I was first introduced to sitting meditation (zazen) through a Buddhism class in college.  For this, I am ever grateful.  I went back many times to the Monday night “Journey into Silence.”  I met wonderful people there, though the truth is we didn’t talk all that much.  25 minutes of sitting, 10 minutes walking, 15 minutes of sitting was the schedule, if I recall correctly.  Truly, there are many forms of meditation, and I won’t list technique here.  The point is silence.  Prayerful listening.  Stillness.  Quiet mind.  As busy people, sometimes we don’t have hours to sit in prayer to receive guidance, to experience the presence of God, but we can bring a mindfulness into our present task.  We can do things with a full-bodied awareness that embodies stillness and with prayerful listening be able to hear the still, small voice of Spirit or to experience the joy and gladness of doing the right thing at the right time.

These are just a few of the tools that I use, some more regularly than others, of course.  I encourage you to find what you use to express yourself creatively, what helps you hear the inner voice, what helps guide and assure you in your journey, and make it a regular practice.  You are only too busy if it is not a priority.

If finding what you are supposed to be doing is a priority to you or if you want clarity on anything, you have to be still and honest with yourself long enough to glimpse the truth of the matter.  This isn’t easy, but the rewards are great. 

As a writer by nature, it’s easy for me to put something down on paper or to type something on the screen, but I know the difference between feeling divinely inspired and rambling on with nothing to say.  So, in all honesty, this post will be short.  I’m not feeling it.  Thoughts have come to me for blog posts, but I haven’t been making note, following through.  It’s time for some soul tending.

For me, the tide may have receded for a bit.  I have a chance to get things in order.  It’s time for me to be very present to the needs of my family, home and self.  After much work within the unconscious, I’m not surprised by this; we can’t stay underwater forever.  Now is the time to set some goals, make some plans and follow through.

The water’s still here.  My feet are still wet.  The well has not run dry.

How are you doing this day?

Life has a way of providing opportunities for us, opening a window or a door here and there.  We always have a choice of whether or not to follow the lead.

This past week was spring break for my kids, and in many ways, it was a spring break for me, too.  We didn’t go anywhere fancy.  I didn’t clean my house inside and out.  I really did nothing incredibly productive or fascinating, but I lived into every moment.

And spring, my friends, is a wonderful time to be aware.  The birds sing loudly, the daffodils and tree and shrub blossoms are giving their all, and the shades of green right now are enviable in their vitality.  The equinox brought us a gentle thunderstorm as our lullaby.

“Let the rain kiss you.
  Let the rain beat upon your head
     with silver liquid drops.
  Let the rain sing you a lullaby.”
         — Langston Hughes

Perhaps you went away for spring break or have busy plans; maybe you’re kids are just now in their break.  My wish for you is that wherever you are, you’re enjoying yourself, making the time to be fully aware and present.

“See how nature — trees, flowers, grass — grows in silence;
  see the stars, the moon and the sun, how they move in silence . . . .
   We need silence to be able to touch souls.”  — Mother Teresa

Quotes found in my “Day Book,” The Poetry of Nature 2009 Calendar by Jean Lowe and Greg Johnson — my first splurge for ‘09.  It’s Spring, and I’m truly grateful to hear the resonating gratitude felt throughout humanity in the heartfelt quotes from beautiful people.

I’m finding it difficult to focus on that which must be done.  I’m caught in the mental quagmire of thinking about those who are faced with life-threatening illness and preparing myself for a weekend retreat.  Some are facing the reality of their mortality, and I am delighting in the vitality of my life, the blessings of my nurturing community and ability.

Life is full of these paradoxes, though.  There is birth and death every day, but this is just what we see with our limited vision.  If we could take our focus away from the blatant physical dimension, perhaps we would be able to sense the divine spark in everything, feel the Presence that is the source of life, imbuing us with the energy and very vitality that we describe as “life.”  Energy is neither created nor destroyed.

One of my responsibilities is to trust that all that unfolds has meaning, that ultimately, everything contributes to the greater good, even if I can’t see how.  My vision and understanding are finite, very limited.  If I allow myself to trust, however, I feel like my understanding is broadened; I feel hope.  One of my other responsibilities might be to help others sense this trust and hope.  Some might call it faith.

Whether our body is overtaken with cancer or if we have years stretched before us, the truth is that in every moment, we may not know the difference.  The truth is that the only thing that truly matters in every moment is that we love and love deeply with reckless abandon.  In that, there are no regrets.  And that is a responsibility we all have.

Today marks Day 4 of my Master Cleanse, the third time I’m trying it, hopefully the first time I actually make it through all 10 days.  I’m not doing it alone, though.  My husband and two other couples are doing it, along with some others.  Were it not for the support, I would have already quit.  My constitution is weak.  I dearly enjoy a good meal and am blessed to have the ability to provide such.

But do I need lavish meals?  No.  I want them.  I enjoy everything about preparing a meal, no matter how much I might complain.  I especially enjoy when the meal is shared, when I can provide nourishment to others.  During the Journey class I’m taking, we took our spiritual gifts inventory, and hospitality is definitely one of my gifts.

Having elaborate meals is a want, but being in relation to others may very well be a need.  Dinner parties give me the best of both worlds, and my husband and I are deciding to make this a regular part of our lives.  Our goal, however, is to prepare healthy meals.  We just need some more planning.  When I have a list of resources, I promise to share.

What other ways can we consciously see where our needs and wants combine?  What wants can we truly give up, do without?  Are all our needs being met?  We may think we want a space of our own, but isn’t it really a need if it improves the quality of our life?

It’s a difficult topic, determining what is crucial to our “quality of life.”  At the core, our needs are the same.  Our layers, though, begin to differ depending on where we live, our society, our livelihood, etc. 

What are we doing to improve our own quality of life?  What are we doing to improve the lives of others?

There’s this strange (to me) dichotomy in our society regarding health/fitness. Everyone needs to be healthy and look physically fit, but we find that it’s easier and much cheaper in the short term to eat poorly and devote our time to any given task or gadget instead of exercising.

Regardless of where you are with your new year’s resolution, it’s always a good time to put your intention on being well, living well.

My husband found what’s called the Ultimate Black Belt Challenge (UBBC), which is something our local dojo offers.  You set these incredible goals for yourself (basically for mind, body and spirit), and if you achieve them, you get your black belt (usually after paying a fee).  Well, originally we thought it was a challenge meant just for black belts, that it was a challenge for challenge’s sake, meant to improve yourself in every way.  (We didn’t read the letter well, I guess, because it’s quite clear.) 

No one in our family is a black belt in taekwondo or aikido, but we set some goals in all areas for each of us.  It’s easy to say what you’d like to do, who you would like to be.  It’s quite another to put your time where your mouth is.  With every day scheduled to the brim, how do you squeeze in a couple of hours for this and that?

That’s why it’s a challenge.  Do you stay up late to watch the great new movie, or do you get some sleep so you can get up early the next morning and get a productive start on the new day?  (FYI — last night we watched the movie.  Probably shouldn’t do that any more!)

My goals, total for the year:

• 160 hours of workout/exercise time (30 min/day)
• 12 books
• 250 hours in the garden
• 120 desserts (two or three/week)
• 30 meals out (doesn’t count meals at church)
• 25 Spanish days (goal is for family to learn Spanish)
• 100 hours family game time
• 25 hours of journaling
• 100 hours walk/bike/swim/hike
• 50 hours creative time

I’m going to be working on our chart.  I’ll share it when it’s done.  Put your creative energy to work today on living well!

That’s what I hope for this weekend — to enjoy myself and time with others.  I hope my dearest friend has a joyous birthday today, the merriment continuing throughout the weekend.  Yesterday was my brother-in-law’s birthday.  A healthy baby boy was born this week. . . . There is just so much to be grateful for.

I’m not under an illusion of security.  I hear the statistics.  I know the reality of suffering and its many faces. Yet each moment we choose whether we feed the fear or fuel the love.  Today, even in my complete spaced-out-ishness, I choose to love, to be loved.  Hopefully that choice will ease the suffering of someone in this world, even if it’s just my own.

I send love to you and yours, and I sincerely hope you do have a most wonderfully enjoyable weekend.

The kids are home for their second day, but at least today is a little more unplugged.  I let them watch movies yesterday thinking the power would go off, but it didn’t until almost midnight!

As the kids settle into various activities, I keep drifting to the windows, looking across the rooftops and at the now-splintered trees.  The evergreens seem to have more resilience, able to take the Dr. Seussian contortions, but the deciduous trees . . . ah, the poor trees.  There’s still the crack and snap and rush of falling ice to be heard as the melting water adds the proverbial straw, adding too much weight to the exhausted wood.  At least, that’s what I imagine.

There are times when I, too, let the elements accumulate upon me, surround me and weigh me down.  I sag and droop, losing enthusiasm and very nearly my hope.  When the sun does start to peek through the clouds, I feel the cold shroud falling away.  Sometimes I cannot help but absorb some of that which burdens me.  Sometimes it’s hard to let it all evaporate, allowing myself to eventually regain my stature.  Sometimes I want to just absorb it all and snap and break and fall away.

But I don’t.  I guess I’m more like the evergreens I see on the horizon.  I can take it, and I do.  I may be taken for granted at times, even by my very self, but it’s up to me to decide how I weather all storms.

The sun is always there.  We just have to have faith and remember to keep the windows open to our heart and soul.