Rush, rush, rush.  After a slow morning, rushing is what we were doing to be out the door in time for my meeting.

“What’s that red thing?” Avery asked as I opened the door and closed it again to unlatch the lock.

What red thing?  I thought in complete disregard, maybe even annoyance, grabbing miscellaneous item and fifteen thousand bags.  That’s what it felt like, anyway.

I opened the door, and there at the doorstep was a drum-like basket, fluffed with red tissue paper, containing oranges and holiday mini-snickers (my favorites!).

I looked around at the other houses.  Did they have baskets, too?  Not that I could tell.  I dropped a few bags and set the basket on our entry table, quickly scanned for a card and decided I didn’t have time to wonder about it now.  Off we went.

When we returned home hours later, the basket still remained.  The kids ran around playing, and I decided to further investigate this holiday mystery.  I felt to the bottom of the basket, below the tasty goodies, and there was paper.  Between red paper was a card for my “sweet” family.  That alone melted my heart.  When I opened the card, hoping to find a name for this kind soul, all I found was money.

I couldn’t cry, for it was too rich a blessing, too kind and good.  I could only smile in disbelief.

Surely the spirit of Saint Nicholas prevails, alive and well.  I only I hope I live to return the blessing to others in the future.  For now, I give thanks to our angel.

I hope your Thanksgiving is filled with abundance, friends and/or family, and a warm, comfortable place to settle and rest and marinate in the deliciousness of a life filled with gratitude.

My day isn’t quite like that.  Mine is more of the get up and finish making everything, make sure kids and self are presentable, drive half an hour to one part of the family, eat too much, drive to another part of the family, help make more food, eat too much twice (dessert can be its own meal), spend half an hour trying to make a dent in the mess created, collapse on the couch for a bit and then drive home exhausted around midnight.

But I am blessed to have the family I do.  The more, the merrier, right?  I will gladly spread four meals of thanks throughout the month to get to spend time with my loved ones, and I do sincerely love them.

Complain as we might, some of my fondest memories and the best conversations are had while preparing meals and doing the dishes.  It’s like talking to a man while driving; you can get into deeper conversation there. Women talk well while driving, too, but for me, it’s best when sewing/crafting, cooking, dish washing . . . and, of course, over some tasty beverages.

May your love and conversation be rich, and may you be filled with gratitude.

Finally, I see where all the fall colors come from.  So often each tree changes to its one color, then the leaves drop and become the brown, crunchy mass.  This past week, I’ve seen trees in all shades, from blazing orange to fiery red to brilliant gold.  Yesterday I even saw one of the most beautiful fall maples with shades from green to yellow and red to orange.  If I hadn’t been driving, I think I would have stopped to bask in its brilliance.

There’s no doubt we’re in the midst of fall now; the leaves are quickly dropping, the nights are cold, the holiday goods are out in all the stores, and the lights being put all around the square.  Now I figure is a good time to be honest with myself and take a good look at where I am, who I am, what I’m doing and where I’m going.  I should have done this on my birthday, but I was too busy doing.  I’m getting signs that now would be a good time.  (I share this with you not to boast or brag or complain out loud but rather to encourage you to take time to do the same for yourself at some point.)

I ground myself in my writing.  To write, I must be still so as to receive the truth that is being channeled through me.  I have to be careful about my influences, for everything in my environment affects how I interpret any given moment.  When writing, I feel my closest connection to the Divine and feel that this is my right livelihood.  Going forward, I make a conscious effort to write more daily, be a productive writer and establish myself as such.

I craft to disperse the creative energy in a physical, practical way.  Perhaps if I channeled all my creative energy into writing, I wouldn’t need to write more, but I enjoy greatly using my goods, giving handmade gifts and teaching the children how to make thin  Now I will increase my skills with what I have and make what I need or need to give.  I would like to make a few things well to sell in an Etsy shop.  That would be nice.

My relationships with others I feel has always been golden.  I do my best to be authentic with them, to listen well and to be participatory.  With my children and husband, I have to make a conscious effort to love myself well so that I may love them wholly.  We are currently seeking a family counselor so as to address our needs, for raising kids is harder than we ever imagined it could be.  We need some help, and asking for help is completely okay.  It’s better to ask for help than to sink into despair, withdrawing from yourself and others.  May we be always honest, loving and respectful of ourselves and each other.

In the daily round, I am pleased with where my expectations are.  I’ve come a long way in understanding what I can and cannot do, steering myself away from the buckets of shoulds.  That’s not to say I don’t occasionally regress.  In a given day, like all mothers, I combine all my different roles.  I am at once a writer, wife, mother, spiritual seeker and birth advocate and educator/doula.  I’m sure that’s probably not even all aspects of my being, but they affect most of what I do, day in and day out.

As with the leaves, I am constantly changing.  Where I am today differs from yesterday and tomorrow, but if I can hear what I need from and for my soul, then I can visualize it and try my best to make it manifest.  To do so, I need some quiet, some time for me.  Thanks, Casey, for giving me that time yesterday when I needed it so badly.  Thanks, Kaye, for listening.

These past few weeks I’ve spent more time thinking . . . and reading . . . rather than writing.  I wouldn’t say that my well was dry or that I’ve spent time filling it.  I’d say I’ve been listening, which is the largest component in discernment.

In the coming weeks, I’m going to be working on a new site design, or branding, if you will.  I’m going to come up with a more consistent schedule of topics to reflect what is most dear to our hearts.  And probably most importantly, I want to work on building our community, sharing our stories so that we encourage each other along our journey, provide a little direction, maybe, if we need assistance.  Whether you’re a maid, matron or crone, you are welcome here, and I’m sure you have inspiring stories to share.  Contact me, and we’ll see how and if it fits.  Communication is what it’s all about.  Either leave comments or e-mail me — sara at everydaysimple dot org.  (trying to prevent spam!)

Together our stories weave a beautiful tapestry.  Collectively our creativity fluorishes.  Journeying together, the Divine is ever-present.  That is what being a woman is all about.

With most of the kids away, my husband and I find ourselves with a bit of quiet time together.  Over dinner last night he wondered aloud what we would do if we didn’t have all these yahoos around all the time.  I’m sure we could think of something, but having a list like this on hand makes it easy to choose.

We watched a movie together.  That’s basically free, entertaining, and we can lie together on the couch, sharing reactions and commentary.  This is delightful, don’t get me wrong, but I’m wondering about when the kids are busy all the time or moved out, the house relatively clean and we’re left together over dinner and the rest of our lives.  Will we get tired of each other?

I ask these questions so you can ask them yourself, too.  Where are the strengths in your relationship?  What do you need to work on?  Movies, candles and massages will only take you so far.  What else can we do to keep our love renewed? 

Here’s a list of some things I enjoy doing and hope to do with my partner in life, and you’ll notice not all of it revolves around idealistic romance.  Thinking that romance and true love revolve solely around sex is like thinking that keeping a house clean is about making sure the bed is made and the toys kept up; it’s just not that simple.

Being a creative romantic every day:

• Share coffee/tea in the morning before kids are awake (obviously a goal of mine, but when we heard a friend made the coffee for her husband before work, I noticed my husband’s eyes lit up)
• Take a bath together more than once a year
• Weekly massages
• Get hot and sweaty doing yard work or some other non-sexual workout together
• Share a shower at least once a week
• Tea and talk before bed, after kids are asleep — check in on goals, dreams, hopes, worries — just be sure to finish with resolve and happy thoughts
• Hold hands while walking
• Hold hands while driving (at least for a couple of minutes, not in heavy traffic!)
• Kiss daily
• Share the household chores
• Practice positive communication:  if you have to criticize, offer five compliments before you critique or ask for something
• Respect each other’s space
• Express emotions honestly, to yourself first and then to the other
• Realize it takes more energy to be angry than to let go
• Leave notes for him to find — we like the SHMILY (See How Much I Love You) notes left in random places, and I like to leave notes on his napkins if I make his lunch
• Talk to each other throughout the day
• Go out to eat and share your food, or at least a dessert together, from the same dish
• Know his favorite foods and try to make a dinner for him at least once a month
• Occasionally give him a weekend day to do what he wants — sleep, read, video games, etc.
• Do you ever wear your sexy lingerie?
• Sort through your clutter at the same time, you through yours, he through his; this keeps both of you on task and keeps you from making possibly hurtful comments
• Make or buy him something you know he likes, a card, a shirt, a blanket, a hat, a piece of art . . . something that every time he looks at it or uses it, he’ll know you love him
• Maintain a good relationship with his parents if you have one
• Take turns picking the movie on movie night
• Be kind to his good friends
• Let him take you out on a date of his making
• Slightly embarrass him in public by telling others in casual conversation some of the wonderful things he does for you
• Whisper in his ears
• See in him daily the young man you loved from the start

This is just a list of some little things we can do to nurture our relationships.  I didn’t include the bigger things we hope to do together, like go to Europe, travel all the states, go to a Zen retreat together, etc.  Most of these items are free, save for your time and loving energy.

Feel free to share your ideas.  I’d love to read them.  Happy romancing.

I received an e-mail from a friend, forwarding me to a website.  I have to admit, I’m intrigued by the name “Girl Effect,” but the video speaks volumes into one aspect of good we can do in our world.  I had to share.  If you don’t think you can do anything, try contacting the Heifer Project, at least.  Do a search for loan programs for women in developing countries, also known as micro-credit loans.  I’m sure there’s something we can do.

The time is ripe for a reflection on our independence.  In the States, it’s a big deal to be independent, as a nation and as an individual.  We’ll take care of ourselves, and better yet, I’ll do it on my own.  This philosophy works to an extent, but I think we all know that anyone with this sole mentality is destined to break at some point.

Rather than going full speed ahead till we crash and burn, let’s look at our saving grace.  Politician I am not, so I won’t pretend to understand the complexities of our global situation.  Furthermore, I’m not a historian to put our past and present in perspective, learn from mistakes and go forward in good conscious. What I know about independence, I’ve learned from being myself, especially a mother.

I’ve learned there’s no such thing as true independence because undoubtedly we’re dependent upon others in some way.  I depended on my parents and grandparents to provide my needs growing up, and they depended upon their financial resources, food suppliers, the economy, our government (state and federal), etc., etc.  In college I depended on financial aid and my friends for emotional, social and moral support.  My husband and I depended (and still do) on each other to uphold our responsibilities in our relationship.

And then we had a child.  Now we have four children.  Now we have people depending on us.  Day in, day out, four faces look to me for guidance, four bodies trust that I will provide food and shelter and four beings are in my complete care.

Suddenly I realized all my parents ever did for me, why my mom would get so upset when my brother and I fought or were ungrateful.  I consider myself lucky not to take my parents and grandparents for granted, even though I know I don’t extend my gratitude and love often enough.  however, I also realize that neither they, nor I, go it alone.  We are all in this together, whether we want to admit it or not.  I think it’s best taken as assurance, the saving grace.

So as I grow older it seems I learn daily how we rely on each other and work together, directly or indirectly.  It comforts me to think that we’re all part of an intricate web, despite the oft-used cliche.  And as much as I like to think “I’ll just do it myself,”  I need to get over myself and remember I do nothing solo.  I need to walk daily in gratitude, and it would be nice to think of every day as a happy interdependence day.

I daresay that none of us would put a monetary value on our family.  The truth is that our family is invaluable, but how often do we take them for granted?  Not only do I mean our immediate family but also our extended family.  When was the last time you gave thanks for each person and truly thought about all you have to be grateful for?

On this, my 100th post, I simply want to encourage you to think about who you consider family, think about your role in the family and give thanks for everyone in your family.

And to my own family, my husband and children, parents, brother, brothers- and sister-in-law, grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins, old friends and new friends, thank you for all that you bring to my life.

When the to-do list is cresting higher than ever, the mess ever-spreading and the budget going downhill, you have to call in reinforcements.  I pray you have some near you!  It’s also a great time to think outside the box, get creative and, above all, keep a positive outlook.  One slip on the steep, slippery slope of negativity and it’s a lot harder to climb back up.  What do you need from others?  What do you have to share?

I have received several e-mails from an acquaintance, soon to be friend, offering her services.  She strives toward right livelihood and seeks to share her gifts with others.  Every time I read an e-mail, I would think, “I would love your help, but I can’t afford it.”  That’s not the energy I seek to send out to the Universe, but it’s what I did.

Until today.

I replied to her latest e-mail, telling her I wanted help but didn’t have financial means to pay her.  Perhaps we could trade?  BINGO!

And, as destiny would have it, another friend called today.  I have services to offer her family.  She’ll trade for babysitting my kids.  Wahoo!

My house shall be decluttered, and I will get time to myself when needed.  The cost is negligible, and the growing friendship and trust invaluable.  Remember that it’s never too late to make new friends, that often others are seeking authentic relationships, too.  The bonus is that you both benefit from each other.

Consider your gifts.  Yes, you have many.  What do you truly love to do?  Are there others who can benefit from your talents?  Share them.  Share them widely and broadly.  Don’t hide your talents away, for the only way for them to grow is by nurturing them, giving them the value and attention they deserve.  But also don’t forget that your gifts come from a Source greater than we can comprehend, so be grateful.

We are all richly and abundantly blessed.

Today, my husband and I share our tenth wedding anniversary.  For a couple of young folk, being married for a decade is a big deal.  Not only does it mean that we’ve made it longer than most marriages in our country, but with every passing year, we’re getting closer to having spent more time in our lives with each other than as a single.  Do I have any secrets to share?  Newfound wisdom?  The truth is that life holds all things before us.  It’s just up to us to see what we will see, discover the reality that we choose.

As I lay sleepy in bed this morning, my husband shared his own reflection of our ten years together (though we’ve been together eleven and a half) as he hurriedly put on his socks and shoes.  We’ve been through much, watched each other grow and change, never fought or yelled at one another and continue to grow in our respect and deep love for each other.  We are partners in our journey together, and we have a conscious choice as to whether or not we enjoy our time or make each other miserable.  Fortunately for us, we enjoy good times together, with or without the kids.  Yet we also respect each other’s space.  Sometimes a romantic evening is sitting in bed together reading our own books.  At our pace these days, being in the same room, quietly doing our own work while the children sleep, is bonding time for us!

Some say that their marriages dwindled after the children left the nest.  Suddenly couples find that they don’t have anything to talk about with each other, nothing in common.  While I can see how this might happen, here’s what I’m doing to prevent this breakdown — keeping my own interests and sharing them with my husband.  This doesn’t mean that he’s involved in my activities, knows or understands them completely.  He does, however, have an idea of what I’m doing.  I tell him what meetings I’m going to, which moms/dads I’m hanging out with.  I treasure the nights we share an evening beverage and just check in with one another, even if I’m not sure what to say because I can’t exactly communicate where I am; we’re just together, and for the moment, that’s where we need to be.

It would appear we have a pretty stereotypical marriage since I stay at home and he goes off to work all day.  However, he doesn’t expect me to be subordinate to him; even the thought makes me smile.  Definitely, we have a mutual respect and sharing of the load when it comes to caring for the children and the home.  We each do what we can, when we can, and hope for the best.

But that’s true for life, and what is marriage but the joining of two in life together?  As we dance along, we try not to tread on each other’s toes.  We don’t have to be clinging to each other the whole time, for we know that eventually we’ll come back together and find our rhythm again.  We may be awkward and clumsy at times, but as we get older, our dance will only get better.  I imagine us in our 90s doing a beautiful waltz.

Happy Anniversary.   xoxoxo