What to do with this?

Lately I haven’t been having memorable dreams.  It could be stress, fatigue, or any number of reasons, I’m sure, but last night rocked the boat . . . and not in a good way.  I should have been up already, and maybe that explains the feeling of coming back to the dream a few times.  This dream was going to be heard.  I’ll try not to go into epic detail and probably can’t since I’ve tried all day to forget it.  The gist of the dream remains.

A group of us parents.  Night time.  One scene is like a bar, and there’s a machine that will make you look like someone else while singing karaoke.  I become Velma, noticeably slimmer.  Singing and dancing, I think maybe I should lose 50 pounds.  Another scene has kids jumping along rooftops.  They’re leaving a trail of disrupted shingles.  It’s almost an animation.  Another scene I realize that the kids never made it back home; one of them is mine, the other child one of our friend’s kids.  Husband, another friend, and I start searching the woods.  There’s some snow and ice.  I’m scared.  I see a frozen dead deer.  Pain and fear grip me at the thought of finding our kids like that.  It was too cold for them to survive overnight.  The scene jumps to me talking with the other parent.  His son had not come home the night before.  Fear confirmed, but he wasn’t worried or was in denial, more likely.  I feel like I’m procrastinating the search, but I’m trying to collect facts.  My oldest told me the last place the were or were seen.  We return to the search in the woods.  Fear and dread grow.

I finally woke up.  Late.  An alarm going off in the kids’ room.  I still had that horrible feeling.  I had to un-furrow my brow, remind myself that it was a dream.  But what to do with it?

What is trying to be revealed to me with such potent energy.  I am grateful for time tomorrow to reflect.


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Changing Tides

In my dream the other night, the tide was receding.  I can’t remember much else except for standing on the revealed sandy shore, much lower than those who were standing on the beach of the high tide.  I wondered how much lower the water would go and if I would be ready for when the water returned.

There’s definitely much moving about in my inner world as I continue my discernment process.  As an outward expression of that, naturally I want to rearrange everything in my house, clear all unnecessary items/clutter, and clean everything to the core.  It is (almost) time for spring cleaning.

It’s difficult to live in a way that truly honors our inner being if we are concerned about what others think and worry about superficial consequences.  Blessed are those of us with the faith to believe that all will be well, that as long as we’re following our heart, then in the long run, it will work out, and we will have no regrets.

What better way to honor your Divine than to create something . . . anything.  Honor those thoughts; honor all of them to keep the flow open and alive.  Do something today for you.  Take it a step further and either give it away or make something else to give to someone.  Love is best when given and received.

With it being Mardi Gras, it’s a good time to think of the inner work we need to do or are already doing.  The discipline I’m taking on is to journal daily (my writing, dreams and gratitude).  What I’m giving up is carbonated beverages and alcohol for sure, food that does not nourish my body positively at best; all these things can contribute to energy being blocked, inhibiting the flow.  One friend of mine is actually adopting a raw food diet for Lent, but that’s not my calling this year.

May acts of kindness be our practice daily, and may your mind be clear as you travel through the desert.  May we remember our dreams and the clues they give us to the unconscious for our spiritual growth.

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Non-striving, Full-feeling

This past weekend, our church hosted another insightful McMichael Lecture, with guests Bishop Larry Maze and Rev. Susan Sims Smith (more info).  Both speakers are influenced by Jungian psychology and their personal inner work.  Their topics this weekend focused on such inner work, relying heavily on dream work, but offered an insight into my own behavior and dreams, too.

I’m in a Jeep being driven by my (male) priest.  He’s driving fast, and the gravel road is rough and bumpy.  But he’s happy, smiling, assuring me nonverbally that it’s fine.  I’m holding on to the bar above me.  (The top and doors are off.)  It’s a sunny, beautiful day.  Finally he pulls off to the side of the road where there’s a gravel pull-off area.  We’re standing outside the Jeep but elevated enough to look out.  He motions his hand across our panoramic view of the lush, green, tree-covered hills and the beautiful expanse of lake.  He says, “Here it is.  The presence of God.”

Understanding that we all have masculine and feminine sides, our dreams share as much and often illustrate for us how balanced or out of balance we are.  Our masculine side is usually the task-manager, the goal-oriented aspect of ourselves that gets things done.  But think for a minute about the masculine side getting things done in a “non-striving” manner, as Sims Smith proposes, as my priest does in the dream.  Our masculine steps back and opens the gate for the feminine wisdom to come through, for intuition to speak.

In my dream, I think my masculine was telling me to listen, to be aware of God in the beauty all around me.  My gate was open to receive, and in the time since the dream, I’ve been working heavily on listening to the feminine energy — even if I’m just now realizing it.

Now, it’s time to listen to the dreams again (the above dream was from a year or more ago), to awaken early enough not to have distractions so that the dreams are fresh and present.

What are your dreams telling you?

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Falling into Reflection

bridge_autumn_fall_234841_l.jpgThe air gets cooler every morning now, and while it’s not officially autumn yet, the leaves in places on our cherry tree are turning a deep red.  Being a fall baby, I always feel like I’m coming home as it turns cooler and the skies are gray.  It’s a time to be honest with myself and others, a great time for reflection.

In a dream night before last, I was talking with my midwives about my new pregnancy.  (Just in the dream was I pregnant, so no one needs to get concerned about me having 5 kids!)  Of course I’ll be having “pregnant” dreams now; I’ve just started two new journeys — one the women’s spirituality group (which meets Wednesday nights) and the other a Servant Leadership course (which meets Monday nights).  Also right now we’re having rehearsals for the play “Birth” by Karen Brody for our local BOLD events.  The time is ripe for potentiality even though the light will be less and the earth will be retreating into slumber.  It’s a good time to go inward.

For a reality check, where are you in your journey of life, of spirit, of health?  It’s time to be open to new discoveries, to be aware of what Spirit might reveal.  O, if only that could be how I live every day!

Blessed be.

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I Died Last Night

After a particularly grueling day of parenting, my husband and I enjoyed several minutes of drowsy pillow conversation, quietly over the babe nursing/sleeping between us.  I vented.  We pondered and wondered how best to discipline, how best to exemplify the behavior we hope for them to embody.  We fell asleep before any epiphanies.

I know I am dying.  Sitting up in bed, I see it in my husband’s face.  Our younger sonmoon.jpg lays his head across my tummy.  While I’ve been strong up till now, as I run my hands through his unruly hair, my resolve breaks; my heart aches.  I love him so much.  No.  I’m not ready to die yet.  The bright white light comes.  No.  I need to see my older children first.  They have to know, have to hear me tell them I love them.  They’re here.  It’s okay now.

I awoke with that sense of breathlessness near panic.  I wasn’t dead, no matter how real it had seemed.  It was a short dream for me, one who tends to have the epic variety, but its strength and clarity remain with me still.

I’m not proficient at dream interpretation, but I’ve experimented enough myself and have been with others enough to know that dreams speak to us in ways we might not otherwise understand.  I’ve been fortunate to be in groups to facilitate dream work.  At a meeting recently, one of my spiritual teachers was there, too.  We had been in a dream group together, and I admire her immensely.  “In dream symbology, what does it mean when you die?” I asked her.  “Usually it’s the ego,” she answered.  (We could have been asking each other about the weather.  It’s good to have friends you can talk to without the small talk.)  It clicked into place, as it will when you get your right understanding of a dream.

I had fallen asleep wondering how best to deal with my children.  I must have offered my query to the Divine, for it was received and answered.  To best relate to my kids, I have to get out of the way and let love lead.  That doesn’t mean I am a pushover and let them run wild.  Kids need boundaries for what is acceptable or not, and there are consequences for inappropriate behaviors and actions.  What’s important, though, is that I shouldn’t completely freak out just because something isn’t done the way I think it should be done.  These kids may come from my womb, but I believe they’re designed by and for God.  Heaven forbid I mess that up.

So I’m grateful for this dream that reminds me to let go and to love as if this were my last moments.  It sounds so simple.  The lesson is so easy.  It’s the homework that’s hard.

The other morning, not long after my dream of dying, my husband told me that when he awoke the older kids to get ready for school, they both said the same thing.  “I had the most wonderful dream.”  I wonder what lesson they were given.  May they remember their dreams.

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On the Right Path

I don’t know how many times I’ve had dreams where I’m in a car and have to make detours, taking the long way around to my destination.  In another dream, I get into a car and have no clue how to drive it because everything seems backwards. 

Like many, I believe that in my car dreams, the car is the vehicle for the ego-self and the road my path representing where I am in life.  What I’ve discovered is that rarely do I take the easy path in life, and quite often I feel completely out of control, unable to guide myself anywhere.

There’s the rub.  Control.  Even standing alone it’s a powerful word.  I don’t recall ever having a dream where I’m in a car and not worrying about which way it’s going.  Do I always have to drive?  Wouldn’t it be nice just to trust my soul, my intuition, divine guidance?

Perhaps I’m just humoring myself into thinking I’m driving my own car.  I tell myself I’m making decisions, but really I haven’t a clue.  I don’t want to put all my eggs in one basket.  But then things start to happen.  Synchronicities fall into place like landmarks telling me I’m on the right path.  You can’t help but feel that the universe wants you to continue forward.  You have the support of the Universe, the ultimate energy that brings life into everything.

Accepting the gift of the Universe, or God, if you will, might mean (and usually does) that you have to let go of the wheel.  You have to trust.  If you close your eyes in fear, you might miss the scenery. 

I’ll trust fully and keep my eyes open.  The colors look more vivid now, and I’m quite certain music fills the air.

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photo from everystockphoto.com, taken by ellie

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