Realizing yesterday that I had hit a tender point in my own phyche, I decided to do a little exploration.
Why would I react with skepticism to an author and book that I have every reason to enjoy, when while reading Twilight, I actually got defensive for and even justified Stephanie Meyer? (She followed through with a dream. She gave it a shot. She’s a mom finding time to write. Etc. Etc.)
Honestly, I haven’t decided yet exactly what my reaction means or says about me. All I can say is that I’m enjoying Eat, Pray, Love now and am truly grateful to Elizabeth Gilbert for sharing her physical and spiritual journeys with us. So many Westerners do not have exposure to other cultures, lifestyles, and ways of being. At the very least, I’ve realized that I can count myself lucky. (Honestly, how many 6-year-olds sit at a table where pesto is being served and say, “I smell pizza!” or decide that for quiet time they need to sit and meditate?)
All I can conclude is that I’m jealous, so rather than be jealous, I’m going to revel in the fact that a fellow dear heart has gotten to explore not only the globe but the depths of her being. And she shared with others, perhaps hoping to broaden their horizons, their understanding, their very potentiality.
That may very well be where I feel defensive. Am I living into my own potentiality? Am I living up to all that I’ve been given to be?
Our shadows can be great teachers and an asset to our lives. They are not meant to be solely suppressed and locked away, ignored. They can be a strength as well as a weakness, like any aspect of our character. Now, obviously, it’s time for me to evaluate my potential and do the work that I’ve been given to do.
No one said it was easy, this blessed life.