In the women’s spirituality group I help facilitate, we’re doing what I guess you could call a series on spiritual tools for the journey.  These are a few things that, along the way, I have found to be beneficial to me for hearing the inner longings of my soul.

• Journaling  Of course, I am a writer by nature, so this one comes easily to me.  But I don’t take this journaling gig lightly.  I have a dream journal, which is written in first before those slippery
  dreams from the subconscious slip away again.  I always date the dreams
  and try to mark when it’s a full moon (because the dreams are usually
  particularly vivid and significant then for me).  After documenting the dreams, I pull out the Gratitude Journal (idea from Sarah ban Breathnach’s Simple Abundance).  I list at least five things for which I’m grateful, and these range from people to things to ideas to states of being.  Lastly, there’s the “morning pages” (term coined by Julia Cameron in her Artist’s Way books) where I vent/muse/list/write for a while.  The goal is three pages, but sometimes three short paragraphs is all I have time for.  Some days the whole process takes about 15 minutes.  I’ve been known to take two hours.
• Collage  This is another process inspired by Cameron’s Artist’s Way.  My partner in spiritual direction and I use this tool frequently to either find where we are in the present stage in our lives or to help visualize what it is we want or need.  Collages can be done given a prompt, given a time frame or given nothing but freedom of expression.  Most recently, I collaged a manila folder, and it will store items in it particular to this phase of my life.
• Movement  When our mind and spirit are expressed through the movement of our body, when the energy is released, I anticipate great things happening.  This is an area that I hope to explore more in the future.  I hope to learn t’ai chi.  I have another woman leading this session this week, and I can’t wait to see what we do, how it feels.  Honoring my body, caring for it well, is something I have to work on, but if our body is not well, we are not available to others, let alone to ourselves.  Maintaining a balance and allowing the energy to flow freely improves our overall well-being.
• Meditation  I was first introduced to sitting meditation (zazen) through a Buddhism class in college.  For this, I am ever grateful.  I went back many times to the Monday night “Journey into Silence.”  I met wonderful people there, though the truth is we didn’t talk all that much.  25 minutes of sitting, 10 minutes walking, 15 minutes of sitting was the schedule, if I recall correctly.  Truly, there are many forms of meditation, and I won’t list technique here.  The point is silence.  Prayerful listening.  Stillness.  Quiet mind.  As busy people, sometimes we don’t have hours to sit in prayer to receive guidance, to experience the presence of God, but we can bring a mindfulness into our present task.  We can do things with a full-bodied awareness that embodies stillness and with prayerful listening be able to hear the still, small voice of Spirit or to experience the joy and gladness of doing the right thing at the right time.

These are just a few of the tools that I use, some more regularly than others, of course.  I encourage you to find what you use to express yourself creatively, what helps you hear the inner voice, what helps guide and assure you in your journey, and make it a regular practice.  You are only too busy if it is not a priority.

If finding what you are supposed to be doing is a priority to you or if you want clarity on anything, you have to be still and honest with yourself long enough to glimpse the truth of the matter.  This isn’t easy, but the rewards are great. 

All the rain we’ve been having reminds us that we are, indeed, in the midst of spring.  And the bounty of greenery, in all its shades and hues, contrasts nicely, magically against the gray skies.  I had wondered what this spring would look like after the tragic ice storm left many of the trees amputees.  I admit my shallow underestimation of nature.

Yes, you can see some of the splintered edges or the awkward, haphazard trimmings.  But the trees continue to stand as tall as they can and put forth new growth with as much determination as ever.  Where the trees were trimmed carefully, with attention, you would hardly notice anything amiss, save for the less dense canopy.  The new growth is amazing.

I might say, “Wouldn’t it be nice to be a tree, where all we had to do is grow, go through the seasons, letting go and growing when it’s our determined time.”  But that’s not all a tree does.  No two trees are exactly alike.  No breeze blows without ruffling each leaf in its own way.  Every natural event leaves its mark upon a tree’s trunk, but the tree is ever adapting.  Maybe I should say, “Oh, to have the wisdom of a tree.”

When I was a little girl, I remember going into the woods beyond the pasture of my grandparents farm.  I found a young maple that I sat beside and talked to at length, looking up into its branches, certain that the leaves blowing in the wind were responding just to me.  I promised to be this tree’s friend.  I found a large-ish rock and put it beside the base, so I would be sure to remember which tree I had chosen.

Time passed, though, and when I returned, I wasn’t sure which tree was which. There were rocks all around.  I felt bad.  I had defaulted on a friendship, and I was sure that this tree would certainly remember who I was, was probably watching me circle around and around, aching that I couldn’t hear and feel.

Maybe I had read The Giving Tree too many times.  Maybe I was personifying the tree too much.  But I don’t think so.  Even now, when I need to be grounded, I see myself as a tree.  When I need to disperse extra energy or receive it, I can exchange with the trees.  I’ve not forgotten the relationship one can have with the trees, and I have a special place in my heart for maples.

The trees are beautiful and have much to teach us.

adjective : made or done the same way as an original : true to one’s own personality, spirit, or character

I don’t take for granted the fact that it is a luxury to do inner work, to find who it is I really am, whom I’ve been created to be.  Surely if I lived in a region where to survive was the daily goal, my focus would entirely be to secure water, shelter, food, safety.  Hopefully I could do so with a content heart, not bitter at my lot in life.

This life I’ve been given, however, is a comfortable one, my basics assured (relatively).  I don’t have to dwell solely in my external life, the physical.  I do have a responsibility to keep a healthy demeanor, to care for my body, but even to that extent, I have been richly blessed.  I have food, sanitation, water and medical care — all things to keep me healthy and lead toward a long life.

The very substance of my being, though, the undercurrent of my life, is the steady stream of Spirit, the flow of Love that has been ever-present.  The drop that was given to me to begin this life has continued to grow and swell, and now it is time to release the flood gates, to pour that wealth into the receiving bowls of others.  It’s a beautiful energy to share.  It needs no words, only an open heart.  Of course, as a writer, I will share my experiences through words, as meager as they might seem, to offer to others to read or hear.  In some ways, that will do.

All this comes to mind after starting a new childbirth class last night with parents eager and willing to learn, sitting at dinner with a group of passionate, open, honest women, and sharing coffee, dessert and soulful conversation with a dear friend who, like me, is finding that she’s doing what she’s meant to be doing, even if she doesn’t know exactly how it will work or where it will lead.

There’s a happiness that fills my heart and brings a smile to my face.  Surely this is what it feels like to be authentic, to live connected to, with and through that drop of the Divine.

photo from everystockphoto.com by Katia

I’ve been wanting an awesome shirt pattern.  I was catching up on one of my fave blogs, and saw the shirt!  Leave it to SouleMama (who also has some great photos, as ever).  She got the pattern from the book Weekend Sewing, which I’ve seen before, recommended on Sew, Mama, Sew.  I may have to pick it up at our local bookstore sooner than later.

The past couple of weeks have included some crafty projects.  For the women’s retreat, I got to

• make placecards, which instead of using the traditional folded placecards, I used pre-cut bookmarks, decorated with stamps and tied with a ribbon.  (I would post a photo but can’t seem to find my bookmark at the moment!) 
• host a blessingway, and I printed the program on vellum, attaching it to pretty printed paper with flower brads.
• make a couple of beaded necklaces (literally, I just made 2-4, while the other two ladies did about 12 each!).

When it comes to crafting, our projects don’t have to be large or perfect.  It’s taking the time to release some creative energy for the sake of doing something good.  That’s all.

May we all take more time to do some good things.

Especially as mothers, we have a way of making things difficult.  In moments where all we need is clarity of purpose, we remember, as a friend of mine recently did, that we just have to make sure our kids stay alive, preferably safe and secure as well.  To this, however, we add layers of cleanliness, thriving, excellence . . . overall perfection in all areas. 

This perfectionism invades all areas of our lives.  We create for ourselves an inner censor that reminds us every time we visualize a goal that we probably won’t/can’t/shouldn’t do it and points out that we can’t/don’t achieve what is perfect.  I am completely projecting here.  This is one aspect of my personal censor.

I recently did an exercise where I had to describe my censor, sketch a cartoon of her.  I highly recommend this.  Remember, if you can name it, you can know it, and you can see how truly ridiculous it is.

In another exercise where I had to describe who I am (from the third person), my inner critic appeared again.  In everything I want, in all I do, I will never be good enough, smart enough, beautiful enough, etc., etc.  My strong, true inner voice immediately countered.  Of course Sara’s not perfect, but God is.  If all I am is a channel for God’s love, then that’s good enough.  There’s nothing more perfect than that.

So, in all things, in all aspects of life, all I have to do is live, believing that to Love is my purpose and living into that purpose.  This is clarity.  When I close the door to this love, I mess up.  This is part of suffering.  I can even lock the door and keep it closed, but I always have the key, no matter how hard it might be to find.    

We need to remind each other of this sometimes, remind each other that our jobs are really quite simple.  We are all called to love and to serve, with gladness and singleness of heart.

The books I’m reading have changed somewhat in the past couple of months, and I thought I might share what those are in case any of you are looking for a new read.  A word of caution, though, is due because my reading these days isn’t particularly light and may result in spiritual growth.  Brace yourself.

I finished Parker Palmer’s Let Your Life Speak.

I’m dreadfully behind in Joyce Rockwood Hudson’s Natural Spirituality for the book study I’m in, but I just read a most fascinating description of myself.  I’m compelled to finish reading it, even at my own pace.  This book, I may have already mentioned, is largely about Jungian psychology entwined with Christianity.  It encourages our listening to our dreams, being aware of synchronicities, and being conscious of how the unconscious is being revealed to us.

My friend and I are using Julia Cameron’s Finding Water as we continue our journey together of self-discovery.  This is the third and last of the Artist’s Way series (the first two being The Artist’s Way and The Vein of Gold).  I highly recommend these books for artists and non-artists alike to help in finding what your inner critic looks and sounds like to help you overcome those inner blocks.

I’ve just recently picked up (having been recommended highly by someone I trust) L. William Countryman’s Living on the Border of the Holy and am already compelled by what he shares.  He’s basically voicing that we all have a fundamental priesthood, a responsibility to help reveal to others the secrets of the Holy to which we individually experience and know, and I’m just in the first chapter.

In my knitting bag is Beverly Galeskas Felted Knits.  It was time to start another knit project because it’s good for me to keep my hands busy.  (I don’t yet have the yarn needed for my husband’s Dr. Who scarf!)  One of these days I may be able to knit and pray, but following a pattern means I’m having to focus on counting.  Mindfulness is a good thing, too.

It’s shaping out to be a perfectly rainy weekend, so hopefully I’ll have time to delve deeply into a book or two and/or knit a while.  May your weekend be so blessed.