Despite the boys’ bickering noise and the monkey brain I was having yesterday during our priest’s sermon, I managed to listen to most of his message. One thing he said shined through the rest.
Even today, it makes me sigh, not as in “oh, well, there’s no use,” but in an “okay, full speed ahead” sort of way.
At first I thought of all my activisms — mother-friendly birth, women’s spirituality, sustainability and such. These struggles are huge and up against great walls of consumerism and ego. The chances of me doing anything significant are small, almost infinitely so. Now, as part of the larger organizations I’m associated with, our chances are much greater. I’m inclined to be more daring, more hopeful. Now I find another meaning in the words. I can live with my intuitive, brash hope in these ideal causes because I know they are good ones. I also know I will fail, my ego will be dissolved in the effort, especially if the obstacles are overcome. Life is just ironic like that.
But what about my life as a whole? Two stories came my way yesterday.
One was as I shared this bit of the sermon with my husband. He said, “Yeah, (our friend) said his wife devoted her life to activism, and then she died.” Was I to take this as a sort of dramatic foreshadowing? Or could it be emphasis to the point I mentioned earlier? Would I change my lifestyle, do anything different if I knew I wasn’t to live much longer, or would I live even more brashly? (When I think of “brash,” I think of it more as without shame.)
The second story came from a woman in my writing workshop class (yes, I made it to another one!). She said that us younger women needed to write while we were young and full of passion, that opinions grew less potent as we age. She said that a friend told her once she reached 57 that she wasn’t as full of fire as she had been when she was younger. “Write now. Write while you have these strong opinions.” Was she really telling me this?
It felt like a long weekend, and to receive so much in one day leaves one much to consider. So here I am, writing, sharing, learning and hopefully growing. I continue in my activism, and my activism is fueled by my intuition. With a deep breath, I go forward from here. I’ll consider it a blessing to have my ego die, and when it comes the day for my body to die, may it be said that I lived with “intuitive, brash hope” that good would prevail.