A Relfection on Marriage

bridge_couple_love_268704_l.jpgToday, my husband and I share our tenth wedding anniversary.  For a couple of young folk, being married for a decade is a big deal.  Not only does it mean that we’ve made it longer than most marriages in our country, but with every passing year, we’re getting closer to having spent more time in our lives with each other than as a single.  Do I have any secrets to share?  Newfound wisdom?  The truth is that life holds all things before us.  It’s just up to us to see what we will see, discover the reality that we choose.

As I lay sleepy in bed this morning, my husband shared his own reflection of our ten years together (though we’ve been together eleven and a half) as he hurriedly put on his socks and shoes.  We’ve been through much, watched each other grow and change, never fought or yelled at one another and continue to grow in our respect and deep love for each other.  We are partners in our journey together, and we have a conscious choice as to whether or not we enjoy our time or make each other miserable.  Fortunately for us, we enjoy good times together, with or without the kids.  Yet we also respect each other’s space.  Sometimes a romantic evening is sitting in bed together reading our own books.  At our pace these days, being in the same room, quietly doing our own work while the children sleep, is bonding time for us!

Some say that their marriages dwindled after the children left the nest.  Suddenly couples find that they don’t have anything to talk about with each other, nothing in common.  While I can see how this might happen, here’s what I’m doing to prevent this breakdown — keeping my own interests and sharing them with my husband.  This doesn’t mean that he’s involved in my activities, knows or understands them completely.  He does, however, have an idea of what I’m doing.  I tell him what meetings I’m going to, which moms/dads I’m hanging out with.  I treasure the nights we share an evening beverage and just check in with one another, even if I’m not sure what to say because I can’t exactly communicate where I am; we’re just together, and for the moment, that’s where we need to be.

It would appear we have a pretty stereotypical marriage since I stay at home and he goes off to work all day.  However, he doesn’t expect me to be subordinate to him; even the thought makes me smile.  Definitely, we have a mutual respect and sharing of the load when it comes to caring for the children and the home.  We each do what we can, when we can, and hope for the best.

But that’s true for life, and what is marriage but the joining of two in life together?  As we dance along, we try not to tread on each other’s toes.  We don’t have to be clinging to each other the whole time, for we know that eventually we’ll come back together and find our rhythm again.  We may be awkward and clumsy at times, but as we get older, our dance will only get better.  I imagine us in our 90s doing a beautiful waltz.

Happy Anniversary.   xoxoxo

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