A few years ago I realized I really shouldn’t spend so much money on make-up.  In actuality, I didn’t have the money to spend anyway and felt it was one of those places to cinch the budget a little tighter.  Then we had our third child, and suddenly I felt like I needed to beautify myself.  I bought hot rollers to curl my long hair, and I spent about $50 on make-up.  Less than a month later, I had cut all my hair and was using less than half of the products I had bought.  Lesson:  don’t shop with the hormones flaring!

So, another few years have passed, another child, another haircut, and now I’m hearing these ads on the radio.  “Eighty percent of moms admit to letting themselves go,” say the ads.  Apparently a beauty company conducted a survey and have partnered with our local mega store chain to convince us mothers that we really need “to put beauty on our list” of things to do.  I agree . . . in a way.

Self-care is one of the greatest assets a mother can have.  A bubble bath, some chocolate, great music, a clean house, a favorite outfit — whatever works for you and keeps you from feeling like you’re on the edge.  “If mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy,” was a great quote from my uprearing that I’ve brought into our household.  Mothers do have a stressful job, and like everything else, we have to have coping mechanisms.  If taking the ad’s advice and buying some Brand S body products will do it for you, go for it.  Maybe my Walgreen’s splurge a few years ago kept me from going into postpartum depression.  Seventy bucks is cheaper than therapy and make-up less addictive than drugs.

I don’t mean to sound flippant about this.  Many women feel they are beautiful when they have make-up on.  I like to apply some powder, blush and liner when I’m going out for a special occasion, too.  But I know that’s just for me.  I feel a little more “dressed up.”  On every day occasions, I get to ask myself every morning if I feel beautiful.  Sometimes I have to tell myself, nearly remind myself that I am a beautiful woman.  I smile to myself in the mirror.  Why do I feel so surprised when people say I have a beautiful smile or that I have a wonderful energy or such a beautiful face?  Inner beauty is a hard thing to disguise and is the cheapest blemish remover I know.

Do put beauty on your list.  Find your beauty and how best to nurture yourself so it will glow so brightly you couldn’t hide it if you wanted to.  A shower daily is nice, too, but we didn’t need a radio ad to remind us of that one.  Lesson:  stick to listening to NPR.

You would think I would know this by now.  I took a Buddhism class, attended sitting meditations and part of a Zen retreat, had four children, teach a natural childbirth class and am now taking aikido lessons.  I know that breathing is important, not to mention necessary for life.  We can breathe and live, but breathing well means a better life.  I know this, so why do I keep having this lesson taught to me over and over again?

In my childbirth classes, I have an excuse to see how many people chest-breathe (only the chest rises and falls when breathing).  Nearly half the class breathes as if they are panicked, even if they are “relaxed.”  My goal, of course, is to help them make a habit of breathing deeply, abdominally.  A baby does this naturally; just watch one sleeping, her little tummy rising and falling gently, rhythmically.  That’s our bodies in a non-stressed, healthy state.  In deep relaxation or great awareness in meditation, the breathing slows greatly. The body can work magnificently and efficiently when it doesn’t think it’s being chased by lions or deadlines or whatever your running beastie may be.  All this I know.

Yet in pottery as I’m trying to center the clay, I’m holding my breath.  In aikido, doing roll falls, I start well but catch my breath half-way through (resulting in being stuck on the floor unintentionally).  Driving in traffic, am I breathing?  I probably don’t want to know how much of my life I’m spending or rather wasting by unnecessarily stressing myself.  Granted, life can be difficult.  Learning a new skill takes time, and I should cut myself some slack.  I’m just ready to absorb the knowledge I have, to put it into practice.  Aren’t you?

There is another level to this, too, however.  At the end of summer, with our last-minute vacations, we took a hiatus from church.  Being spiritually inclined, though, I usually find a way to incorporate the Divine in my daily life.  You can imagine this breathing business is no exception.  The Holy Spirit, the Breath of Life, sound familiar?  Could it be as simple as breathing deeply, consciously pulling Spirit into our very being, that makes our lives more calm, puts our bodies and minds at ease?

When I face a new challenge or am revisited by an old one, it is comforting to think that instead of panicking, shallowly gasping for air, I should invoke the Divine simply by pausing, inhaling through my nose, pulling the breath into my lungs so deeply it raises my abdomen and fills so fully that it eventually raises my chest.  There is more Spirit to renew me, so I must exhale completely, releasing any negativity or stagnant energy to make room for this wonderful Spirit.  And to think that this magic trick is available my whole life.  Perhaps watching a sleeping baby is so addictively sweet because they are so purely filtering the Love of God into our lives.  I would like to think so.  It doesn’t surprise me that monks and nuns can continue in prayerful silence for days on end.

Since prayerful silence isn’t on my agenda most days, I pray for mindfulness.  I’ll pray to breathe well so that I can do all that I do with attention and a calm that I feel comes hand in hand with a connection to the Divine.

May we all breathe well.

I hope everyone has a delightful Valentine’s Day today.  Try not to overindulge in the chocolate!  When looking for an easy Valentine card/craft, I didn’t have to look further than the FamilyFun site.  I’ve used it before and will definitely visit again.

As soon as I saw the elephants, I knew we had to do it.  My daughter is 9, so I figured what better way to try to be gender neutral, cool, and avoid stepping on anyone’s crush than to give out elephants?  Plus, the whole memory-filled pachyderm imagery is right up my funky daughter’s alley.

If you want to give it a go next year, or maybe some other occasion might arise when it would come in handy (think birthday cards, invitations, reminders), find the instructions here.

Some advice from our experience:

• Print and cut out the template from cardstock.  Then, fold it in half.  Fold an 8 1/2 x 11 sheet of cardstock in half.  Align the top folds, then draw the outline.  We found we could cut two at a time.
• As for the heart ears, think long hearts.  Not all our tips came down far as tusks, but this also depends on how you make the slits.  Once you get a heart that works, use that as your template.  We don’t have Color-Aid paper, so we used more cardstock.  Fold a sheet into quarters and outline two.  Quickly get eight hearts from two cut-outs.  (We were making 36 oliphaunts, which requires 72 hearts, so we tried to save time.)
• When it came time to make the slits, I had thickly cut out the line on the template.  I used a pen to mark the line on the subsequent elephants.  On a cutting mat (or in my case, scrap paper), use a craft knife to cut the line.  It will cut through both sides if you press hard enough.
• We put the little packages of conversation hearts inside, using tape.
• I used the extra strong glue stick variety to glue the trunks together.
• Yes, they are standing with the candy inside.

Maybe next year this experience will remind me why you shouldn’t wait until the last minute to do a project! 

Feel free to share your favorite crafty links with me, or if you would like to see a project done, let me know!

Enjoy!

Some things you hope your kids will never learn or say, and yet it comes eventually.  From goodness knows where, my older son learned to call himself and others losers.  I thought we caught and corrected this but apparently not before our three-year-old son latched onto it.
Now, when his will is being challenged or you stand between him and what his heart desires, you’re called a “loser” and are told he’ll do it himself.  I praise his self reliance in my heart of hearts, but I have to tell him I’m not a loser even before I go into explanation why we don’t call each other such.

Why do I have to defend myself so quickly?  It’s like I have to assure myself I’m not one before I can continue my role as a legitimate mother.  How easily my authority is compromised, my esteem crumpled.  After all, the insult is coming from an aggravated 3-year-old’s temper tantrum.  It just goes to show that I need as much morale boosting as possible.  As a full-time mom, I’m not paid monetarily.  I rely on my husband’s salary, I might feel guilty spending $30 for a haircut, and I don’t want to ask for help because, after all, I’m home all day (even though it may just happen once a week).  My kids make up part of my support group, so when a part of that lets me down, I’d be lying if I said it didn’t hurt.

I need to be strong.  I AM strong.  I am a winner, a champion to my kids and to the maternal world.  You mothers who work in the home and out, also managing the household, are champions two-fold.  I’m doing my best on most days.  I’ve given birth to four (large) babies.  There’s not much I can’t handle.  Stick and stones may break my bones . . . but I won’t let the words break my spirit.  I am a wonderful mother.  I am a beautiful woman, and I have four lovely children who say the darnedest things.

Thank God for snow days!  I’m not sure we would have gotten this project done had it not been for the two snow days and extra in-service day off!  But here it is, in its full glory — Planet Uranus.

Until I get more proficient at embedding pictures in the blog, for now let it suffice that the process in photos is under “Recent Assets.”

Your biggest asset in pinata-making should be Pinata Boy’s site.  Be sure to view his gallery for some awesome inspiration.

The basic steps:

• Inflate balloon.  Cover with newspaper, going over the edges of the paper with masking tape.
• Shred newspaper into about 1-inch strips.
• Mix flour and water into a soupy paste.
• Dip strips.  Pull off excess with index and middle finger.
• Cover balloon, overlapping strips a bit.  Smooth with hands.
• LET DRY between coverings.  (We used a fan to expedite the process.)
• Repeat 3-4 times.
• We attached a ring, taping the tabs to the ball with masking tape.
• Cut strips of crepe paper into a small stack.
• Using scissors, make a “fringe” about half-way up down the length of the strip.
• Glue to ball the intact side of crepe paper.
• OVERLAP the crepe paper.  The closer the strips, the fuller the “fluff” that’s made by folding up the cut side of the crepe paper.
• Cut/saw a flap into the pinata and make a hole for the hanging mechanism.
• Devise a hanging device.  (We used a wire hanger.)
• Fill with candy/treats.
• The tricky part — closing the flap.  I used duct tape that sort of closed it back.  Once kids started beating on it, though, I heard it came open but not enough to pour out the candy.  TIP: don’t put the flap on the bottom!
• Gather your rope, bandana and stick, find a tree and go to town!  (We heard the kids loved it and many want to do a shark pinata for their next project.  I’m sure that’s way more complicated.  Back to Pinata Boy’s site for advice!)

I’ve done it.  I’ve let my young children watch hours of t.v. while I did my cleaning, caught up on computer work or finished project x, y, z.  How did I go from being an attached parent to one who had to remember to make lunch for the kids at home?  I think it’s all about effort and moderation — for myself and for the kids.

After a day of arguing about video game time being over — for real, this time — I’ve had it.  We are getting rid of the t.v.  We just cancelled the cable again, realizing that we still can’t afford it, and I’m beginning to feel like the big black mass is a black hole, sucking my energy and my kids’ imagination.  After dialogue, my husband agrees that we’ll give the box to family, but he insists that there must be a better way.  Any time we get frustrated with something, should we always just get rid of it?  That’s usually my response to the kids’ toys, but finally I’ve helped them organize their room to keep it manageable.  Recently, my husband had a moment of “I’m done.”  With what?  “Being a parent.  I’m done.”  We all get exasperated, exhausted, but I have to laugh.  “They’re not going back where they came from,” I promised him.  We can’t just get rid of them.  We will manage and prevail, like we do every other day.

This job of parenting is challenging.  It’s easy to turn on an electric babysitter and let the kids zone out for hours, but it’s not in anyone’s best interest; even the American Academy of Pediatrics thinks so.  Thirty minutes a couple of times per day might be a compromise.  A weekly agenda of activities — that’s a goal.  In The Tipping Point, a book my dearest is reading now, it mentions Sesame Street.  This pioneer of children’s programming knows what works.  In a room full of awesome toys and young children, there was also a television playing.  No, the children didn’t sit and watch the t.v.  They played as kids should.  However, afterwards, the kids can all say what had been on the t.v., even though they hadn’t watched it directly.  The truth of the matter:  kids are as smart as we thought.  They pay attention.  The thing is, it’s not just the t.v. they are watching; it’s also Mom and Dad.  As we teach them, so they teach us.  What are our television behaviors?

Our decision for now:  we gave up television for Lent.  Forty days for refletion, and we’ve already gained insight.  We’ll probably keep the t.v., maybe even save for a projector instead.  We’ll accept the challenge of finding moderation, and I guess when we have grandchildren, perhaps we’ll find out how well we passed the test.

Starting this week, on Tuesdays and Thursdays, I’ll be sharing some sort of project of the day or recent past.  Hopefully you’ll be inspired yourself or will want me to make something for you!

This next week . . . pinatas, baby blankets and, of course, Valentine’s Day cards.

Stay tuned, and take care.

(Get it . . . craft-T days)  ; )

For those of you who don’t know me well, I am a birth advocate.  I teach childbirth classes through the Bradley Method (r), I’ve done the DONA doula training, I’m a La Leche League member, and I am now active in our local BirthNetwork chapter as a co-leader.  While I definitely advocate natural birth and breastfeeding, more than that I advocate education, informed decisions, and healthy families.  No two women are exactly alike, but every woman has a voice.  Often, in birth, a woman meets herself, finds her true voice and place in the world as a mother.  She surrenders everything to give birth to new life — hers and the baby’s.  For this not to be a traumatic experience, she needs to be on her own terms.  It’s much like making love.  Sex is beautiful as an act of consent, mutual desire and surrender on behalf of both partners to glimpse the other’s soul.  Sex without consent, without mutual surrender, is violent in every way, traumatic and scarring.  As we hope a baby is conceived, so we would the baby the could emerge into our world, through love, with surrender and joy.  If the baby is conceived out of consent, the mother will hopefully have help to work through the scars to give the baby a loving entrance to the world.

This being said (and I realize there are many topics that could be expounded upon), I want to focus on the woman’s voice, her choice, in choosing where she births (how she births is again another topic!).

There are many films, clips, etc., out there that show birth at a hospital, in a birth center, and at home.  The best one I’ve seen lately is The Business of Being Born by Ricki Lake and Abby Epstein.  Apparently, it has struck a nerve.  The birthing community is saying “YES!”  This is what we need to inform mothers that they have a choice.  You are not a number, an insurance claim, a machine or a cow being herded through the system.  YOU can decide what YOU want.  How do YOU want your baby to be born?  How do YOU want your body treated?  How do YOU want your spiritual transformation to occur?  Where do YOU want to be?  Who do YOU want to be with you?  Are these questions you were asked when you gave birth?  Were these questions you asked yourself?  When I asked myself these questions, after three births in the hospital, I chose to be home, with my family and my midwives.  It was one of the best decisions I’ve made in my life.  I’m not the only one who feels this way. 

Visit the Childbirth Connection and study the results of their Listening to Mothers Survey. (You can view a free summary with registration).  The results are mind-opening.

Now, read the ACOG Statement in their press release.  Take a deep breath and think positive — even if that’s not your first reaction (it wasn’t mine).

Positive notes:

• ACOG admits “childbirth is a normal physiologic process that most women experience without problems” — actually, greater than 90% of women equals their “most”
• “ACOG
  acknowledges a woman’s right to make informed decisions regarding her
  delivery and to have a choice in choosing her health care provider.”
• “The cesarean delivery rate has concerned ACOG for the past several decades and ACOG remains committed to reducing it.”
• “ACOG encourages all pregnant women to get prenatal care and to make a birth plan.”
• “The main goal should be a healthy and safe outcome for both mother and baby.”

All this, we can agree agree on, undoubtedly.  We all support women’s rights and health.  What these points fail to factor in are the barriers that are leading women to either birth at home unassisted or to succomb to a controlled hospital birth.

Consider these questions and find the barriers:

• Does every woman have access to childbirth education that will encourage her to ask questions?
• Are midwives legal in every state?
• Are there midwives in every hospital?
• Is there a doula available to every mother?
• Are insurance companies limiting a mother’s choice in providers?
• Are malpractice insurance premiums keeping doctors from performing in the mother’s best interest?
• Do hospitals allow VBACs?
• Are doctors encouraging VBACs?
• What has ACOG done to reduce the cesarean rate?
• Are birth plans honored?
• Does a rise in maternal/infant mortality suggest that maybe our current system isn’t safest for everyone?
• Do other countries/cultures have models that suggest home birth is a safe alternative?

I could probably rant for a very long time about what needs to be different about our maternity care.  Fortunately, there have already been guidelines set as to what counts as mother-friendly and baby-friendly.  There are places out there.   There is a hospital less than two hours from me that is mother-friendly.  Two hours is a long ways away when you’re in labor.  I know moms who have made the drive, though . . . in labor.  There is a hospital less than 10 minutes from my house, too.  Wouldn’t it be nice if I could with good conscious refer mothers there?

Isn’t there something we can do?

• Visit www.motherfriendly.org
• See if starting your own BirthNetwork in your community makes sense.
• Look into the Transparency Project
• Contact your state and federal legislators — start small and think big
• Rally like-mided folks and work together.

“Be the change you wish to see in the world,”  Gandhi said.  Positively support a mother’s right, a woman’s right.  When we each find our voice, our strength, eventually our collective effort will become a beautiful song, and that’s what we want recorded in the history books.

I remember reading Anne of Green Gables in grade school, relishing in wandering down whatever tangent Anne Shirley would guide me.  An introvert by nature, I admire Anne for her strength and ability to prevail through her consequences.  Though we are opposites in many ways, Anne and I share much in common.  Our imagination, love for literature and loyalty to friends are a few of the ties that bind me to Anne — especially her loyalty to friends.

I don’t pretend to offer an analysis for all the types of people there are and the relationships they can have, but from my experience, I’ve met some people who everyone they meet they love and call friends.  Some rather reserve their love for after a relationship has been tested.  Others of us meet people and quickly develop a kinship, a bond that is not easily broken, if ever.  These are the bosom friends, “an intimate friend, you know–a really kindred spirit to whom (you) can confide (your) inmost soul.”  Some of my friends have been elevated to this status, some hover near, and I suppose all the rest have the potential.

Undoubtedly it is our friendships that carry us through our journey when we can’t go any further or just need the encouragement.  They shine a light for us when we can’t see the way.  Most often, they hold a mirror to us, reflecting to us our innate beauty and vitality that we may be too broken to see for ourselves.  For true bosom friends, though, the mirrors you’re holding for each other become empty frames.  All that exists between you is what is real. Your soul is there to communicate with the other’s without any pretense or illusion.  You both are individually and together part of the Whole.

The only way to celebrate your friends whom you know are special is to tell them they are such.  Don’t put them on a pedestal; you wouldn’t want to be on one yourself.  Offer gratitude for their existence and the gifts they bring to your life.  Continue to be there for them as they are for you, no matter how near or far away they are.  And love, purely and simply.  Forever and ever.

(Happy birthday, Uta!)

Try explaining to a three year old that less is more.  If brother and sister have three pieces of candy, and he only has two, the mathematical logistics set in early . . . and he has less, no matter the bountiful benefits of eating less candy.  The same holds true for adults, for we all have that inner child who, sometimes quite loudly and insistently proclaims, “I want that, too!”

Everything around us in society encourages that voice, the little beastie that fuels our consumer-driven society.  We’re addicted now, spoiled, and even though our conscious awareness is telling us something’s not right, our inner child is still screaming for more.  Instead of society massively helping us by making what is good for us appealing, the mainstream temptations haven’t changed much.  And would you like a high-energy XXX soda with that?

*SPLASH*  Drench yourself with water, filtered or purified if you have it, inside and out.  We have got to wake up.  There is plenty out there to help us on our way, and instead of thinking we’re trying to deny logic by making less more, think of it this way:  we’re going with less to make room for more . . . less for more.  Any economist would tell you that’s a good deal, so long as you’re on the receiving end, which we are! 

Everything comes from and is fueled by energy, which comes from the Universe, and there’s an endless supply of the good stuff.  (I know, sounds really technical, doesn’t it.)  There is a catch, though. The good energy is easily blocked and congested.  We have free will.  We can choose what we want.  We can choose the sugary/alcoholic/caffeinated drinks for our bodies.  We can eat the trans fats and empty calories, and we can fill our minds with an array of images at the flick of a switch.  Or, we can grab a water, some fruits and veggies and take a hike.

Ever wonder why you have to “clear your mind”?  It is not just your mind.  If we clear our bodies, we’re more open to that universal good energy that is there for us all . . . if we choose it.  Sound hokey or new agey?  Think of the healthiest people you know.  Think of the most sincerely happy, authentic people you know.  How do they live?  Are the people in the McMansions and expensive cars “happy”?  Some, probably.  All?  Doubtful.

Take where you are now — your relationships, job, home, finances, possessions, EVERYTHING — and give thanks for what you have and for what you don’t have, for that which brings you joy and those that offer life lessons.  Now, make a list of what brings you joy.  If it’s not on your list, clear it out of your daily round.  If it can’t be removed (I’m thinking of household chores!), then find a way to bring joy to it.  I honestly feel better when the house is clean.  It is in my best interest to keep it so.  My kids are getting old enough to help, and I’m grateful I’m not always doing it by myself anymore.  The key:  make it positive.  We’re all familiar with the slippery slope of the downward spiral, and that is because negative energy attracts negativity and congestion — you don’t go with the flow.  The good thing, though, is that it’s a spiral, not a brick wall.  It’s hard, but we can get back up, even if we have to enlist help.

I’m writing all this to myself, mostly.  We all know this stuff.  It’s around us; we just have to receive it.  It’s still early in the new year, a perfect time to work on clearing and decluttering, focusing on intent and finding how best to give back in thanks for all our blessings.  I want to live with less clutter (mental and physical) and on less money (out of principle and necessity) so that we have room for more quality time and contentment.  Of course, my inner-child is resisting.  I love to shop for nice things and have quality items, but I would rather be debt-free first.  So many lessons to learn, and I keep getting them over and over again.

I need to be more patient with myself and my children.  The universe is so patient with me.